Gift Exchanges for kids are okay.

It makes sense for children involved in group activities to go shopping with Mom, pick out an inexpensive and unisex toy, wrap it up, and add it to the pile. My daughter is in Girl Scouts, and she has to engage in this event. I don’t mind it at all. It’s a fun way for her to think of other people, to imagine what kids her age might want, to share in the holiday festivities. I have no beef with this sort of thing.

Gift Exchanges for families? Not cool.

Maybe I’m a cheap-ass piece of shit, but that’s only because my hubz and I are pretty much broke. You know who we buy presents for?

The list is very short. Here it is, from highest to lowest priority:

1. Our kids.
2. My sister’s kids.
3. Each other.

That’s it. That’s all. No other grownups. No other families. No parents and no friends and no siblings and no cousins and no distant relatives and nobody. None. Nada. And we don’t feel badly about it, either. We’re poor. As long as the kids are taken care of, fuck everyone else on the planet. Not in, like, a mean way or anything. It’s just that, if an adult is going to get all offended over not receiving a gift from us, then:

• a. They are douche-nozzels undeserving of my attention in the first place.
• b. They clearly don’t understand the magic of Christmas.

That’s a pretty strong statement coming from someone who isn’t even a Christian. What this indicates to me is that I have a better grasp on the whole “Christ” thing than those who actually profess to believe in all that Bible stuff.

Why a rant on Gift Exchanges?

One side of our collective family has suddenly decided to go rogue and ditch the gift-giving thing we’ve always done up until this year.

Now, what you need to understand in all of this is that our parents both spoil us pretty well during the holidays. We have a lot of cool tech stuff in this house – Xbox, flat screen TV, Nintendo Wii, Skylanders and other nifty {read: expensive} games for each platform, etc. – and the majority came from our moms. The hubz and I love this crap and would gladly buy it ourselves if we had the money, because it’s just about the only form of entertainment we own. {Excluding the obvious like books and board games, of course.}

So, what I’m trying to say is, we get some good stuff from the ‘rents.

And what do we give in return?

Our undying love and gratitude. Never gifts beyond our presence and a huge attempt to get both kids over for visits as often as possible. We’re poor, remember?

About all we can offer to anyone is a hug.

I’ve always thought that was enough.

Nobody has money this year.

In recent times, both parental units have fallen into dire straits. Fair enough – we aren’t new to this situation, so everyone on both sides has our greatest sympathies. We take this to mean that gifts are going to be scarce if altogether missing.

And you know what? Since my hubz and I don’t give presents to anyone, we’re fine with that.

Christmas isn’t about presents.

Christmas is about remembering, for just a moment, our love for one another. It’s about taking the time to be kind to others. It’s about seeing how we are all connected. It’s about humanity.

Fuck presents.

Let’s sing some carols, yo! Pass the eggnog! Which holiday movies are we watching? Build a snowman!  Put on some Christmas tunes and embarrass the kids by dancing around the living room! Write a letter to far away loved ones! Kiss me under the mistletoe. Get the damn cat out of the Christmas tree {or is this one just our house?}!

Reactions have been interesting.

One side of our family is cool with being poor this year. They’ve experienced up and downs and are no strangers to being broke, so maybe that’s why they’ve adjusted admirably. They are making homemade gifts this year. Scarves and cookies and paper boxes and handmade decorations. That sort of thing.

It’s lovely and fun and completely unnecessary. But they enjoy giving. I get it. I enjoy giving, too.

I’ve made it clear – don’t worry about us. If you feel compelled to give at all, just take care of our kids. That’s it. And that’s where the majority of the gifts fall, much to our delight.

The other side, I fear, doesn’t get it.

They decided this year, for the first time ever, to instigate Gift Exchanges. You know, to save money. Except, it’s not going to save us money, because we’re expected to go from purchasing gifts for NOBODY to purchasing gifts for TWO ADULT SOMEBODIES.

And when we spoke up about this during the “meeting” which was held over Thanksgiving dinner, it was met with chagrin, but dropped.

Or so we thought.

Our names were put in a hat, and someone else drew for us. Never you fear, I put my foot down.

Because fuck that. Nobody puts baby in a corner. I don’t deal well with being forced into anything, much less something that is going to cost me money, and particular something to which I’ve already politely said NO. A phone call to the ringleader indicated that the persons in charge of this nonsense were going to GIVE US MONEY. You know, so we could still participate.

Let me get this straight.

• 

  FALSE.

  It’s going to save you money… by giving us money.

• You’re going to give us money… and then tell us who to spend it on.
• You’re going to spend money on us… when we’ve already said DON’T DO IT.
• You’re going to spend money on us… that could be spent on our kids.

This is all some fucking bullshit.

I wanted to do my typical email rant wherein I send a message to everyone involved explaining how screwed up they were and that they could keep their stupid money and count us out. My hubz encouraged me to instead make a phone call, which I did. The phone call went well, but I still walked away feeling shitty.

The individuals who put all this together tried to convince me I wasn’t being forced to do anything. Even though, clearly, I was.

The individuals who put all this together still think it would save money in the long run, even though I said more than once, “SAVE MONEY BY NOT SPENDING MONEY!”

The individuals who put all this together have zero understanding of the holiday spirit. It’s not about obligatory gift-giving, you guys. It’s not about money. It’s not about fulfilling some sense of duty. It’s not about feeling good about yourself for what wonderful things you’re able to buy for people.

Gift Exchanges are about these things.

And that’s why I despise them. If I want to buy a gift for someone, and I have the money, I’m going to buy it. If I don’t have the money, I’ll be sad, but then I’ll probably tell the person in question, “I thought of you while I was out today. Guess what I saw? It was a such-n-such, and I wish I could have gotten it for you, because I know how much you want one. Which reminded me that I owe you a call. So how have you been lately?”

I’ve done this before, and you know how the person reacted?

“Aw, it was so sweet of you to think of me! Thank you!”

Christmas is not about generosity of gifts.

Christmas is about generosity of thought.

Keep your fucking money in your pocket, you guys.

I don’t want it.

I want your love, your respect, your understanding, your support, your encouragement, your hugs, your words, your comments, your laughter, your empathy.

I want the best gift of all:

YOU.

 

• What do you think of Gift Exchanges?
• What does Christmas mean to you?
• How do you celebrate when finances are tight?