The World 4 Realz

An Open-Letter Rant Regarding the Arbitrivial Nature of Human Beings.

  • Home
  • About
    • Andi-Roo
    • The Hubz (Jesse)
    • Privacy Policy
  • Blogging
    • Social Media
  • Entertainment
    • Books
    • Movies + TV
  • Family
    • Children
    • Divorce
    • Health
    • Marriage
    • Women’s Issues
  • Goals
    • Challenge: 3-Day Novel Contest
    • Challenge: A to Z
    • Challenge: NaNoWriMo & Camp NaNoWriMo
    • Finance
  • Happies
    • Inspirational
    • Religion
    • Self Improvement
  • Rants
    • Worst Day Ever
  • Writing & Creativity

Facebook is hard, you guys.

August 19, 2013 by Andi Brunett-Libecap 12 Comments

Share the joy

Facebook is hard for me.

Like a boss

You spelled “Bau5” incorrectly, dumbass.

But not for the same reasons that Pinterest is hard for me.

And thanks to some helpful feedback, Pinterest isn’t really that hard for me anymore.

I still would never have gone there on my own, mind you, but I don’t hate it so much anymore.

It isn’t quite as scary.

Facebook is hard, but not because I’m afraid of it.

I find that Facebook is hard because I don’t know how to find that middle line, that happy medium, that sweet spot.

The place where I can be true to myself without losing the people I love in the process.

Facebook is hard because my family makes it hard.

I’ve been blaming Facebook for this, but really, it isn’t their fault I belong to nutty relatives who refuse to overlook my so-called flaws and who won’t give me any room to breathe.

It’s not Facebook’s fault that I’m a round peg in a square family, a Liberal in a nest of vipers Conservatives.

I shouldn’t hold Facebook accountable for problems they merely helped bring to light.

Don’t shoot the messenger, right?

So yeah, Facebook is hard because my family makes it hard.

In this house Family decal

These rules apply to my family, but only in an alternate universe, on the 7th Wednesday of the 13th month of the year.

I came to this realization only ten minutes prior to writing this. I’m still reeling in the aftermath of my epiphany.

I don’t hate Facebook. I hate that it has pushed shadows aside and forced me to face the REAL problems in my family. I hate the way my family makes me feel.

And I hate that I have to choose between (a) biting my tongue and accepting the abuse versus (b) lashing out in self-defense and losing my family forever.

Because my family does that — cuts you off. Them peoples know how to hold a grudge, and it can last months, or even years.

Indeed, Facebook is hard because my family makes it hard.

Here’s how I woke up and realized I need to stop blaming Facebook. And it’s all thanks to my son. My wonderful, inspirational, forgiving, generous, kind, loving son. I’ve called him my hero since before he was born, as he gave me a reason to get my shit together. Boy is almost twenty years old, and he is still my hero.

How my son taught me that Facebook is hard only if you let it be:

My son asked why I kept updating my inbox. I told him I was waiting to see if I’d get a response from someone. Then he wanted to know what kind of email I hoped to receive. I told him,

“There’s this who encourages students to avoid separating their personal life from their writing life, because supposedly family and friends will be your biggest cheerleaders and will naturally overlook any posts they don’t like.”

My son’s eyes bulged at this and he exclaimed,

“Not our family!”

I felt someone validated that my own child — really an adult, not a child— shared my perception. I told him I agreed, and that my family doesn’t overlook anything I write. I explained to him my method of utilizing Facebook:

a. which is NOT set to private, where my family and friends and strangers can all see what I write, but where I am NOT free to voice my own opinion or ideas, where I am called out publicly, spanked and humiliated if I cross any lines. I seldom mention my blog there, and only speak of my writing in an abstract way.

b. where I am free to talk about anything I want with little recrimination, where I publish my blog posts and exchange dialogue with others of like mind, where my voice isn’t chained by those who would hold me down. I talk about my writing and it is such a respite.

My son thought this made a lot of sense. But we both thought it was sad that I have to maintain two separate personas. Some friends once asked me why I don’t just “unfriend” the offending parties.

When I told my son about that suggestion, he guffawed.

“How do you unfriend your own MOM?”

Exactly. Although, I reminded him, she and several others had NO PROBLEM unfriending me.

Yeah. That happened.

And it hurt just as it was meant to. Which is why I don’t unfriend people. I don’t ever want to purposely cause that kind of ache. It’s hateful and cruel and I won’t do it. If I really find I’m offended by someone’s material, I merely change my settings so that their posts don’t show up as often, or at all.

My son asked why my mom can’t do that — change her settings so that my “horrible” material doesn’t show up and offend her — and we both cracked up at the idea.

Anne Taintor Pretend he wasnt an idiot

Likewise, we could no longer pretend that my mother wasn’t an idiot.

My mom doesn’t know how to do much on Facebook.

She knows enough to post about how much she loves Jesus.

She knows enough to comment on things that make her angry.

She knows how to follow her grand-kids and comment on every single one of their status updates — gah! Can you imagine, as a teenager, how UNCOOL it is to have your freaking grandmother all up in your business on a regular basis?

*shudders*

[As an aside, I’d like you to know that I’ve mentioned to my mom that she might not want to comment on her grand-kids’ status updates because they might find that embarrassing. But it’s one of those things where, if you have to explain it to someone, they just aren’t going to get it.

Her response?

“If it bothered them, they’d tell me!”

Um, no they wouldn’t. Think about it, Mommy. What decent person is going to tell their own grandmother to stop commenting on their status updates? Seriously. How would that conversation even go? ISN’T. GONNA. HAPPEN. Not when the grand-kids in question are such sweet and loving individuals.

And now you guys see what I’m dealing with here. But I digress.]

The more I thought about the whole Facebook issue, the more irritated I became. I told my son how mad the whole thing made me. He laughed some more, and said,

Anne Taintor WTF“I’m glad they don’t come unglued on me the way they do on you!”

*BAM*

That’s when it really, really hit.

The unfairness of it all. Because he is right. Nobody EVER publicly calls him out for the shit that he says. They automatically forgive anything he posts. They overlook things they don’t agree with. The let him be. He can talk about parties or alcohol or drugs and no one cares {or no one cares enough to tell him so}. He can post controversial issues and not get slammed for his views. He can talk about racism and sexism and gay rights and basically ANY.FUCKING.THING he wants.

And no one touches him.

He’s safe.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy my son doesn’t get harassed by my noo-noo relatives. And if I sound jealous of him, it’s only because I’d like to receive the same treatment from my parents that he gets with no questions asked. It’s not that I want my family to start hating on him or anything. I would just like it if they stopped hating on *ME*.

So I asked my son,

“Why do you think they overlook your posts but harp on mine? We post a lot of similar material.”

Wonder Woman SexismHe answered immediately,

“I’m a guy.”

*BAM*

Another epiphany.

My hubz and I were talking a few nights ago about how unfair it is that some people get forgiven while others {read, *ME*} get taken to task for their brass behavior.

Examples:

1. One guy is a real douche, and everyone in the family knows it. He complains, straight to the giver’s face, about every gift he receives. He is judgmental and arrogant and knows everything even if he hasn’t had any experience or knowledge in that particular area. No kids, but yeah — this guy is full of parenting advice.

I’m the only one who doesn’t let him get away with that shit. Nobody talks to me that way, and nobody talks to my loved ones that way. Even if he is related. I don’t give a shit. Don’t be a dick in my presence if you don’t want to be told that you’re a dick.

But everyone else?

  • “That’s just the way he is.”
  • “It’s just his personality.”
  • “You can’t change him, so you might as well learn to deal with him.”

2. One guy is obnoxiously verbally abusive to his wife. He tells her to shut up all the time, calls her fat right in front of everyone, and is just really mean to her. I look around, like, “WTF is going on here?” and then I tell the guy to stop talking to my friend like that before I pop him one in the nose. And everyone acts like *I’m* the one who’s doing something wrong. Why?

  • “That’s just the way he is.”
  • “It’s just his personality.”
  • “You can’t change him, so you might as well learn to deal with him.”

God damn you people.

If you can forgive these assholes their behavior and excuse it like it’s nothing and perfectly normal… THEN WHY DO YOU ALL ACT LIKE I’M SUCH A BITCH?

In tears, I asked my hubz why some people just automatically get their bad behavior overlooked, but then I am not extended the same courtesy. I asked why people don’t say about me,

  • “That’s just the way SHE is.”
  • “It’s just HER personality.”
  • “You can’t change HER, so you might as well learn to deal with HER.”

Don't Be SexistMy poor, sweet hubz knew the answer immediately.

“You’re not a guy.”

So basically, everyone in the world {including my family} is floating in a bag of sexist pricks.

AND THEY DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW IT.

Facebook is hard for me.

But the reality is, LIFE is hard for me.

PEOPLE are hard for me.

SOCIETY is hard for me.

AMERICA is hard for me.

RELIGION is hard for me.

SEXISM is hard for me.

All Facebook did was help me realize it.

Filed Under: Bloggy-Blog, Family, Rants, Social Media, Worst Day Ever Tagged With: Anne Taintor, fan page, happy medium, personal Facebook account, pinterest boards, sexism, sexist family, target practice, wonder woman

11 comments
  Livefyre
  • Get Livefyre
  • FAQ
Sign in
+ Follow
Post comment
 
Link
Newest | Oldest
HollyGoLightly
HollyGoLightly 5pts

HollyGoLightly • 37 minutes ago I had a...similar...problem. I was forced to choose between family and family. I was at the time entirely dependent on family #1. It was not because I wanted to, but because I was trying trying trying to save any ties to my past, any relationships, anyone who I thought might help me with the major emotional/mental shitstorm at hand. I was dependent on family #1 in regards to housing, food, transportation, and all methods of communication to anyone on "the outside" by family #1.... I did have internet at the time, and that was my means to say anything. I asked family #2 for help, only I failed at the time to understand why family #2 felt hurt...Family #1 I was born with. Family #2 I chose. It comprised of every friend, every person I loved in the country and community that I was lucky enough to be raised in. I felt guilty for choosing family #2 all over again. I could not imagine my life without any of them. However...the guilt. Maybe I thought it would be fair to give each family a chance because I always heard that family would be there for you when you had no where to sleep at night and no where you could run to, nowhere to charge a laptop, nowhere else to change your clothes or just...listen to music. I hurt both families, and when it came down to it I DID choose family #2 again...so family #1 did not simply let me go...Family #1 decided to punish me swiftly and severely so I was not allowed to "run" until it was...too late. I felt everyone thought I was a burden and I loved family so much how could I possibly hurt them more by existing around them, dragging them into my bullshit? I couldn't do that. I had one chance. One night to wait until they were sleeping, steal a truck with everything I had ever owned that I thought was worth saving from a fire... This was a while ago to many people in my personal life, but it was hard being my only advocate. Things take a lot longer when you feel like you have been betrayed, scorned, ostracised, judged, and lied to by every single person that you ever trusted. It doesn't matter if that is true or not. Truth may vary depending on which angle you view a situation from...I felt like I forgot to take myself out of that house, so I saved all my precious memories from my friends and families...and let myself burn instead. It becomes difficult to not rethink every handshake. Every friendship. Every time you trust someone with your name is a huge victory. Fake it till you make it. One day, at some point, you realize you weren't trying and your world didn't implode once again. You have to trust yourself...and in that situation it was difficult but once you find it...once you know it beyond a shadow of a doubt...well then you feel on top of the world and want to be allowed to show it for the few minutes or hours a day that you step outside

HollyGoLightly
HollyGoLightly 5pts

I had a...similar...problem. I was forced to choose between family and family. I was at the time entirely dependent on family #1. It was not because I wanted to, but because I was trying trying trying to save any ties to my past, any relationships, anyone who I thought might help me with the major emotional/mental shitstorm at hand. I was dependent on family #1 in regards to housing, food, transportation, and all methods of communication to anyone on "the outside" by family #1.... I did have internet at the time, and that was my means to say anything. I asked family #2 for help, only I failed at the time to understand why family #2 felt hurt...Family #1 I was born with. Family #2 I chose. It comprised of every friend, every person I loved in the country and community that I was lucky enough to be raised in. I felt guilty for choosing family #2 all over again. I could not imagine my life without any of them. However...the guilt. Maybe I thought it would be fair to give each family a chance because I always heard that family would be there for you when you had no where to sleep at night and no where you could run to, nowhere to charge a laptop, nowhere else to change your clothes or just...listen to music. I hurt both families, and when it came down to it I DID choose family #2 again...so family #1 did not simply let me go...Family #1 decided to punish me swiftly and severely so I was not allowed to "run" until it was...too late. I felt everyone thought I was a burden and I loved family so much how could I possibly hurt them more by existing around them, dragging them into my bullshit? I couldn't do that. I had one chance. One night to wait until they were sleeping, steal a truck with everything I had ever owned that I thought was worth saving from a fire... This was a while ago to many people in my personal life, but it was hard being my only advocate. Things take a lot longer when you feel like you have been betrayed, scorned, ostracised, judged, and lied to by every single person that you ever trusted. It doesn't matter if that is true or not. Truth may vary depending on which angle you view a situation from...I felt like I forgot to take myself out of that house, so I saved all my precious memories from my friends and families...and let myself burn instead. It becomes difficult to not rethink every handshake. Every friendship. Every time you trust someone with your name is a huge victory. Fake it till you make it. One day, at some point, you realize you weren't trying and your world didn't implode once again. You have to trust yourself...and in that situation it was difficult but once you find it...once you know it beyond a shadow of a doubt...well then you feel on top of the world and want to be allowed to show it for the few minutes or hours a day that you step outside.

Guest
Guest 5pts

I had a...similar...problem. I was forced to choose between family and family. I was at the time entirely dependent on family #1. It was not because I wanted to be, but because I was trying trying trying to save any ties to my past, any relationships, anyone who I thought might help me with the major emotional/mental shitstorm at hand housing, transportation, and communication to anyone on "the outside" by family #1. I asked family #2 for help, only I failed at the time to understand why family #2 felt hurt...Family #1 I was born with. Family #2 I chose. It comprised of every friend, every person I loved in the country and community that I was lucky enough to be raised in. I felt guilty for choosing family #2 all over again. I could not imagine my life without any of them. However...the guilt. My first reaction was that I might post something trivial to me once again and offend or hurt my friends...or that people would talk and my words would be misconstrued and reach family #2 in a completely garbled way. Maybe I thought it would be fair to give each family a chance because I always heard that family would be there for you when you had no where to sleep at night and no where you could run to, nowhere to charge a laptop, nowhere else to change your clothes or just...listen to music. I hurt both families, and when it came down to it I DID choose family #2 again...so family #1 did not simply let me go...Family #1 decided to punish me swiftly and severely so I was not allowed to "run" until it was...too late. I felt everyone thought I was a burden and I loved family so much how could I possibly hurt them more by existing around them, dragging them into my bullshit? I couldn't do that. I had one chance. One night to wait until they were sleeping, steal a truck with everything I had ever owned that I thought was worth saving from a fire... This was a while ago to many people in my personal life, but it was hard being my only advocate. Things take a lot longer when you feel like you have been betrayed, scorned, ostracised, judged, and lied to by every single person that you ever trusted. It doesn't matter if that is true or not. Truth may vary depending on which angle you view a situation from...I felt like I forgot to take myself out of that house, so I saved all my precious memories from my friends and families...and let myself burn instead. It becomes difficult to not rethink every handshake. Every friendship. Every time you trust someone with your name is a huge victory. Fake it till you make it. One day, at some point, you realize you weren't trying and your world didn't implode once again. You have to trust yourself...and in that situation it was difficult but once you find it...once you know it beyond a shadow of a doubt...well then you feel on top of the world and want to be allowed to show it for the few minutes or hours a day that you step outside.

Guest
Guest 5pts

I had a...similar...problem. I was forced to choose between family and family. I was at the time entirely dependent on family #1 at the time. It was not because I wanted to, but because I was trying trying trying to save any ties to my past, any relationships, anyone who I thought might help me with the major emotional/mental shitstorm at hand housing, transportation, and communication to anyone on "the outside" by family #1. I asked family #2 for help, only I failed at the time to understand why family #2 felt hurt...Family #1 I was born with. Family #2 I chose. It comprised of every friend, every person I loved in the country and community that I was lucky enough to be raised in. I felt guilty for choosing family #2 all over again. I could not imagine my life without any of them. However...the guilt. Maybe I thought it would be fair to give each family a chance because I always heard that family would be there for you when you had no where to sleep at night and no where you could run to, nowhere to charge a laptop, nowhere else to change your clothes or just...listen to music. I hurt both families, and when it came down to it I DID choose family #2 again...so family #1 did not simply let me go...Family #1 decided to punish me swiftly and severely so I was not allowed to "run" until it was...too late. I felt everyone thought I was a burden and I loved family so much how could I possibly hurt them more by existing around them, dragging them into my bullshit? I couldn't do that. I had one chance. One night to wait until they were sleeping, steal a truck with everything I had ever owned that I thought was worth saving from a fire... This was a while ago to many people in my personal life, but it was hard being my only advocate. Things take a lot longer when you feel like you have been betrayed, scorned, ostracised, judged, and lied to by every single person that you ever trusted. It doesn't matter if that is true or not. Truth may vary depending on which angle you view a situation from...I felt like I forgot to take myself out of that house, so I saved all my precious memories from my friends and families...and let myself burn instead. It becomes difficult to not rethink every handshake. Every friendship. Every time you trust someone with your name is a huge victory. Fake it till you make it. One day, at some point, you realize you weren't trying and your world didn't implode once again. You have to trust yourself...and in that situation it was difficult but once you find it...once you know it beyond a shadow of a doubt...well then you feel on top of the world and want to be allowed to show it for the few minutes or hours a day that you step outside.

Princess Rosebud
Princess Rosebud 5pts

I just don't know what the balance is; I just don't say anything unless it's good and :) That's the only way I roll.

Marjorie McAtee
Marjorie McAtee 5pts

My mother's family is like this and, after many years of putting up with their crap, I decided it just wasn't worth it anymore and removed them from my life altogether, which was incredibly easy, because they make absolutely zero effort to contact me or be involved with me in anyway, and I feel SO MUCH BETTER NOW.

Reginald Chan Xin Yon
Reginald Chan Xin Yon 5pts

Honestly I can relate on certain points here only. The main reason I am 'afraid' of Facebook is because I don't have the time to invest in it :)

Andi-Roo
Andi-Roo 5pts

THIS: "I felt like I forgot to take myself out of that house, so I saved all my precious memories from my friends and families...and let myself burn instead." <-- That line broke my heart. It felt like poetry, and I relate all too well to the feeling it stirs, although you phrased it so much better than I ever could. I'm so sorry for the pain you endured, but so happy you seem to have found safe ground on which to stand. You are never alone, even if your real family is composed of people you've never met who live miles and miles away. Talk to me. I'll always listen.

Andi-Roo
Andi-Roo 5pts

bahaha... I say ALL THE WORDS. Whether they are good or bad, smiley or otherwise. And that's the way *i* roll, LMAO!!! :) {some might say I'm pretty imbalanced. they probably aren't wrong.}

Andi-Roo
Andi-Roo 5pts

It's much more difficult to avoid family when kids aren't involved. But I often wonder how things would be if I were on my own. I think I'd be a hermit -- that image of CRAZY CAT LADY comes to mind.

Andi-Roo
Andi-Roo 5pts

Fair enough. It's difficult to find time to do anything! I'd skip Facebook altogether if my hubz didn't ride my ass about having a social media presence of some nature. But, I'm kind of glad I keep making the time, as I've learned some interesting things about myself and my family in the process.

Trackbacks

  1. Bitstrips win at FacebookThe World 4 Realz says:
    August 26, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    […] Bitstrips win at Facebook and now I love Facebook. […]

Stay in The World 4 Realz

Search The World Over

What In The World Were You Thinking?

  • cuebert1981 on Kansas – Your State SUCKS!
  • Spafloating on In which Fucking February is no more. #ROW80 #IWSG #NaNoPrep
  • CarliGroven on In which Fucking February is no more. #ROW80 #IWSG #NaNoPrep
  • therealbirdman on How money works when you are poor
  • dthompson321 on Kansas – Your State SUCKS!

Andi-Roo Wuz Here!

  • In which Fucking February is no more. #ROW80 #IWSG #NaNoPrep
  • Oscar Prep is making me feel dirty.
  • Fair enough. #ROW80
  • And that’s when shit got real – An ode to Depression.
  • Using a planner for #ROW80

AtoZ Challenge 2015

A Round of Words in 80 Days #ROW80

Insecure Writers Support Group #IWSG

Work In Progress: THE HEART OF THE GREENE

I Gots The Whole World Up In Here

Here Are My Cats. Not THOSE Cats. Stupid-Head.

Copyright © 2016 · Lifestyle Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in