Right now I’m in a crappy mood. I just finished reading an argument between two moms verbally beating each other over the head because each believed her way was not only the BEST way, but was truly the ONLY way to raise a child.
This fight could have been about breast vs. bottle.
It could have been about home school vs. public school.
It could have been about allowances vs. expectations.
It could have been about anything, really.
Women — moms in particular — love to fight with each other. And then there are the few of us who just want to be left alone. Is it any wonder I have very few local female friends? Online, I can just delete or ignore or deep-six a bitch. In person, though? How does one politely avoid an argument while still maintaining some sense of dignity? It may come as no surprise that I am not very good at this. I don’t like being cornered. And women can be MEAN. One time in high school this girl named Tanesha slapped me just because I was sitting where she wanted to sit. I wasn’t being antagonistic or anything. She just walked up and told me to move. I was all like, “No! I was here first. Get your own seat.” And then she hauled off and smacked me upside the face. Her brother had to pull me off her. I hear I was giving back pretty good.
I want to avoid this topic now. I want to get it out of my head. I want to go watch Dr. Who with my hubz and eat ice cream. But this stupid WAR is caught in my brain. Fucking women, you know? If I wasn’t a woman, I could just forget all about it and move on to a different, more fun topic. I was supposed to write about McDonald’s today. That would have been so much more yummy. I could go on and on about the magical qualities of their fountain Coke. Or their McDoubles-hold-the-pickles. mmmm. But no, here I am ranting again. I hate you, stupid brain.
Shitty Driving: Reason #4 Women Suck
And guess what? We ARE worse drivers than men! There, I said it. Dispute this if you will, but it doesn’t make it any less true. We went to watch fireworks and parked in this little housing section where cars were parked on both sides of the street, so that two-way traffic was really having a rough time getting through. Every time a vehicle came our way, I could tell you if it was a man or a woman based on how far over into our side of the road the driver came. I was ONE-HUNDRED-PERCENT correct.
Women menstruate. Do I really need to elaborate on this one? Okay, fine. Because you asked, I will. My son pointed out that the brain of a shark strongly resembles the female reproductive system. So we now refer to my “time of the month” as shark week. I think we can all agree this one is accurate. All the reasons that Women Suck are totally amplified during this time period. As if we weren’t bad enough without the extra hormonal issues to complicate matters.
In conclusion, I would like to point out that WOMEN SUCK. Just in case you missed it.
Be sure to check out this post over at Dad Blunders! It’s a great article!