for I am learning how to sail my ship.
Yesterday I explained on this here bloggy-blog why Living in the NOW is important in facing down fear.
“We imagine what we don’t want to lose and instantly grow afraid of that loss. But we’re being bamboozled; we’re duping ourselves out of a secure sense of “now” and replacing it with an insecure sense of ‘what if’.”
Put simply, focusing on the present helps you let go of the past and distracts you from worrying about the future.
What lies behind us and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
To stay on target with this, keep moving one step at a time.
Eventually, experience will dissolve your fears.
Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin,
and a single courageous step
would carry us clear through them.
Facing fears is not a fun day.
It’s a stupid bad day. It’s overwhelming and feels like shit. Even worse, you can move on from the past, let it go, and think you’re all done — when out of no where that junk pops back up and smacks you down. Or equally sucky, you can fully believe you totally got a grip on your future, secure in the knowledge that whatever comes, comes — when out of no where a wild anxiety attack knocks your ass flat. So this isn’t a one-time, endure-it-and-it’s-done kind of thing. It can be a recurring surprise visit. WTF!? Yeah, life sucks. Get over it.
To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.
*…so just think how wise you truly are
if you keep conquering the same fear
over and over again…*
He has not learned the lesson of life
who does not every day surmount a fear.
2. Stop BLAMING.
Seriously. I get that it’s someone else’s fault you were brought up to be such a schmuck. But now YOU are in charge of you.
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Nobody is forcing you to be a poopy face now that you’re all growed up.
Own your douche-ness.
Other people’s opinion of you
does not have to become your reality.
So the question is, “What the holy fuck are you gonna do about it?”
It took me a long time not to judge myself
through someone else’s eyes.
You can’t change it if you don’t own it, dude.
As Eleanor Goold says in her article “Finding a Brave Heart and Overcoming Self-Made Limitations”, No one else is holding the key to our cell. We are our own jailers.
I was thinking of my patients, and how the worst moment for them
was when they discovered they were masters of their own fate.
It was not a matter of bad or good luck.
When they could no longer blame fate, they were in despair.
3. Befriend and Understand Your FEAR.
I know, that sounds totally lame. How does one go about making acquaintance with inanimate, abstract ideas? “Hello, [[[ YUCKY FEELING ]]], nice to meet you. Wanna get together over coffee sometime? Great!” Obviously this isn’t a situation that can occur in real life. Unless you are schizophrenic. In which case, everything’s up for consideration. For the sake of this post, though, let’s assume you’re normal-ish.
Name Your FEAR: Words have meaning and names have power.
“The act of naming a thing is an act of power over it;
through naming, we assert control and ownership.”
Scared of success?
giving “equal air time” to both negative and positive outcomes of a situation. This is tantamount to weighing your pros and cons… or what I like to call objectively examining your options and choosing the lesser of two evils.
You have but to know an object by its proper name
for it to lose its dangerous magic.
Or, ask yourself aloud,
“What’s the worst that could possibly happen?” This one always works best for me, because once I’ve stated my fears clearly (either to my hubz or an empty room, cuz I’m not ashamed to admit I have ZERO problem talking to myself), I am forced to recognize that the worst just isn’t really all that bad.
if I don’t get this post completed before my hubz gets home to post it, what’s the worst that could happen? As far as the blog goes, I guess Friday would be a free pass. Is that really detrimental to my cause? At this point, no.
But what about my relationship with my husband?
Worst case scenario, he is super pissed at me and… yeah, that’s all I got. It’s not like we’re gonna divorce over something so trivial. It’s not like he’s gonna stay mad more than like fifteen minutes. It’s not like the planet is going to explode. In the grand scheme of things… it really will be okay. I still want to finish writing this, and I probably will, but it’s not from a place of frantic anxiety. There’s no fear. I’ll do my best, and it’ll get done or not. WHATEVER.
So there you have it. Everything I gleaned from seven separate articles on the same popular topic.
Focus on what’s happening today.
Stop pointing your finger everywhere but yourself.
Think in context of worst-case-scenario.
I’m still pissed about my hubz leaving me with the bees,
but now I get it — that’s HIS problem. He’s afraid of getting stung. He needs to stop worrying about that, think about what happens if he really DOES get stung. Honestly, I think he needs to worry more over what happens to him if *I* get stung, cuz it ain’t gonna be pretty.
As for me?
Well, I’m pretty fucking scared of zombies. But that’s either a far future thing, or a situation which isn’t ever really going to arise, so I don’t concentrate on the potential of the undead chasing me through a parking lot. Except when we watch scary movies. Which I’m not allowed to do anymore since everyone in my extended family hates how I scream, which in turn scares THEM silly. So yeah, not a problem. Although I still lock my doors at night. Just sayin’.
What kinds of things give you the shivers? And how do you deal with that in the cold, dark of night?