I read in the Dayton Daily News that a new law will be going into effect this summer. No more texting while driving! This pleases me immensely, for obvious reasons.
But how much will a ban on texting while driving really help?
Teenagers are the most reckless drivers on the road.
First, they are young and have a Superman complex:
“I’ll live forever and nothing will kill me,
even texting while driving.”
Only age will cure this illness.
Second, they have been told by their parents that nothing they do is bad or wrong:
“I can do whatever I want,
including texting while driving,
and never face consequences ever
because everything is always everybody else’s fault.”
You neglected to spank your child and say NO, so unfortunately it’s too late to fix this, and we are all doomed. Thanks, guys.
Third, they have grown up with technology and have no concept of waiting:
“I am dedicated to checking statuses
and responding to comments
and chatting with people
and looking at things
and texting while driving
and I want to do all that crap NOW.”
You would have to take away their phones, and you’re not going to, because you’re a stupid parent who spoils your kid rotten, so again, we are all doomed, and again, thank you for that.
Look, think about this:
We can’t even trust FOUR people to behave properly at a four-way stop. How many times have you pulled to a halt and waited while the other three ass-hats played the “who goes next” game? How many times have you watched, jaw on the ground, as some jack-hole barely pauses and goes straight through the intersection even though it’s clearly not his turn? How many times have you seen someone blow through the intersection without even pretending to stop?
FOUR people. And at least one of them is likely to misbehave. And this is after YEARS of a law already having been in place with severe fines and penalties. Does Ohio really, honestly think this awesome new legislation is going to convince people to stop doing what they already KNOW they should not be doing? Doubt it.
Not that I think the law is not a worthwhile effort. It is. And here’s why: When your crazy teenager sideswipes me and mine because of texting while driving, I now have recourse. Assuming I live, I can take legal action and make your life a misery. Then I can take UN-legal action and subscribe you to porn mags, make crank calls at all hours of the night, and have unpaid pizzas delivered to your house at 3am on a work night.
Like Michael Hyatt and Penelope Trunk, I admit to being guilty of texting while driving. Like Michael Hyatt, I watched a video which cured me of that immature stupidity. Unlike Penelope Trunk, who states boldly in an older blog post (January 2010) that she will continue to engage in this dangerous act because she is “not ready to make the change”.
Maybe I should send her that video, and see what her stance is afterward. I hope you watch it, too. And furthermore, I hope you pass it on so everyone else gets grossed out as much as I did. But most of all, I hope you all stop texting while driving.
Warning: Don’t let me catch you texting while driving. I will take you down. Putting me and mine at risk makes this extremely personal. Think I’m exaggerating? I’m the crazy bitch that calls the police when you leave your baby in the car while you run in to go pay for gas. I’ve done it more than once, and I’m not the slightest bit ashamed. I’m also the one who calls the police when you don’t keep your kids buckled up. I follow drunk drivers around while on the phone with the police, to ensure no clowns take someone’s life.
This law may not stop people from being the stupid-heads they’re going to continue being, but it just gave me one more way to take action against them myself. And there’s not a lot that makes me happier than fixing society’s problems, one douche-nugget at a time.