I’m so sick of the Mommy Wars I want to punch every woman I know in the vagina to make them stop judging each other. And now I’ve just judged other women myself, but trust me, you are not aiming violence at my poo-nanny. I’m just trying to say, people are stupid, and once again they are working overtime to prove my point.
Natural birth versus medicated:
Who gives a shit?
The call for doing it natural:
How about if all the wonderful fucking “natural moms” STFU and quit being smug about how awesome they are for doing something that is a female’s biological imperative? I had my son several weeks early, and was grateful for every bit of technological magic that kept him alive and me relatively pain free so that I was able to take him home two weeks before the doctors had projected. Hooray for modern medicine! If you want to judge my choice as “not quite good enough” you are certainly welcome to do so, but I hope we never meet because I won’t be able to control my urge to punch your face off your head. You’re not better than I am. You’re a snot ball.
The call for modern medicine:
How about if all the wonderful fucking “modern medicine moms” STFU and quit being smug about how awesome they are for ALSO doing something that is a female’s biological imperative? I had my daughter right on time, and decided I was going to do it completely natural. (I failed in that endeavor, because that shit HURTS, and also she got stuck because she has a huge head, but that’s irrelevant here.) My choice doesn’t make me a hippie or a weed-smoking peace-monger. It means I wanted to try and do what women have done all throughout history, sans toxins. If you want to judge my choice as “freakish” you are certainly welcome to do so, but I hope we never meet because I won’t be able to control my urge to punch your nose off your face. You’re not better than I am. You’re an ass-hat.
Do you get what I’m saying, all you bitches?
You both squeezed a baby out your hoo-hoo, just like I did with my son. Or you both had it cut out, just like I did with my daughter. Or you both turned a cartwheel and that sucker fell out, just like what NEVER happened to me ever. Get over yourselves already.
See — and that’s just one argument women have with each other. Everyone has to be part of some stupid “camp” in which they lord their special choice over the other teams. What if we changed the game? Nah… women are too busy being bitchy to stop stoning each other to death.
Another controversy that chaps my ass is the one where the Stay at Home Mom is all snobbish and thinks everyone can and should choose this option, and the Working Mom grabs the bait and starts making fun of the Stay at Home Mom for being a fat, lazy, bon-bon eater. God, you’re both so completely stupid. As long as the kids are turning out okay (which judging from most people I know in both groups ISN’T the case, but I digress), the laundry is done, and something has been microwaved for dinner… who the fuck gives a shit how you spent your day? In the house, out of the house — regardless, you are likely a very boring nitwit. Nobody cares. STFU.
This attitude, when offered in the comments section of another post on this topic, elicited responses from both camps, with ladies on both sides of the river shouting into their megaphones, “You’re just bitter because you…” and then fill in the blank with whatever it is I’m supposed to be lacking in my life. You know what I’m lacking? At the moment it’s caffeine, because my fucking Keurig broke down. It has nothing to do with whether I’m a so-called Working Mom or a Stay at Home Mom.
Shawanda is the new writer at the blog Fabulously Broke in the City, and she garnered all kinds of nasty responses when she dared to take on Salary.com ‘s ridiculous assertion that the annual wage of a Stay at Home Mom should be somewhere in the ballpark of $115K. As a mom who only recently stopped working outside the home, I want you to know how fucked up that is.
My hubz and I were each working about 50 hours per week. We were behind on laundry, and seldom had a nice dinner — it usually came out of a box. Either of us were just as likely to get on task, regardless of that whole man vs. woman fight. Either of us were just as likely to say, “Fuck it,” and skip household chores so we could watch an episode of Dr. Who before falling asleep on the couches.
Our lives were miserable.
We didn’t see the kids nearly as much as we’d have liked. Fortunately for us, our second car broke down, and we were forced to take a step back and examine our position. Thus far we hadn’t had to pay for childcare, thanks to our loving family. But that was due to change too, due to circumstances beyond anyone’s control. No second vehicle, additional pull on our funds — this on top of the fact that we wished we had a live-in maid/nanny/life coach — it wasn’t hard to make our choice. His job was higher paying and came with medical insurance, therefore I quit my job. Were the situation reversed, he’d have quit in a heartbeat. He hates working for someone else as much as I do. The Stay at Home Mom plan would be ideal for either of us, regardless of sex.
My NEW job.
Our agreement when I quit was that I would take up the slack. I would keep up with the laundry, cook dinners, and begin the process of paring down, in hopes of going Minimalist. I also agreed to pursue my writing, run this here bloggy-blog, and focus on finding nontraditional ways to earn income from my laptop. This shit all needs to be done, so why is there suddenly a salary placed on it? It all needed to be done BEFORE I quit. Now I’ve joined the rank of bon-bon eaters, so my efforts have become appreciated? WTF? That’s backwards, stupid, and insulting. It also leaves out the fact that my hubz was contributing as much (or as little) to the household chores as I was.
Sorry, honey, you have a penis, so you are exempt.
Interlude: Can someone please tell me why the plural of “vagina” is not accepted by my spell checker? We may speak of one, but not of several, lady pits. Ludicrous.
Shawanda, along with Linda Sharps over at Mom, Interrupted (a syndication at Cafe Mom’s The Stir), are both advocates of the “Get Over Yourself” mode of thought. Do what you have to do to keep your kids safe, happy, and healthy. AGREED! And stop worrying about what I’m doing. I guarantee my kids are smarter than yours whether I had them naturally or not; whether I am a Stay at Home Mom or not; whether they were breast fed or not. Maybe if you spent more attention to your precious angels, you would have less time to be such an ugly beast.
I promised in the title of this post to provide three reasons the fight over being a Working Mom or a Stay at Home Mom is stupid. Sorry I’m a liar, but really there’s only one reason the fight is stupid.
If you can’t see why the fight is stupid for yourself, you have no business bringing up kids in the first place, which makes any stance you have a non-issue. *BAM*