You know what? I want to talk a minute here about some so-called “bad choices” I’m accused of having made in my past. I’m sick to death of my entire life being summed up by other people as a series of “bad choices”.
Now I happen to like my life. I’m very happy with my husband, and we love our two kids a whole bunch. There are some people, however, who seem to feel that I ought not to be so happy. I guess because I made all those “bad choices” and “mistakes”. I’m supposed to be more contrite and depressed and unhappy with where I’m at, presumably.
That shit makes no goddamn sense to me at all. I’m at peace with my past, and have no regrets, because every decision I ever made is part of who and what I am today. Not only that, they are part of who and what my family is. That’s pretty big.
My first mistake in life —
My first “bad choice” is in NOT coming from a “good” family. Women are expected to come from a good family. By “good” I mean financially set. By financially set I mean she is expected to wear clothing from the mall during her childhood, receive a car on her sixteenth birthday, and go to college on Daddy’s dime.
No mall clothing, which I still shun to this day. No car until I bought one myself in my early twenties, about when I learned to drive and obtained my driver’s license. No college until I paid for it myself via the U.S. Army’s G.I. Bill in my late twenties and early thirties.
Yes, I am a bad, bad person. I will make sure to write it down on my wall with a sharpie so I never forget it. I hate it when I don’t get to be born to a “good” family. Fuck.
You know what? I cry “FOUL” on this one. It can’t possibly be my own fault that my dad didn’t earn enough to do what the Christians wanted him to be able to afford to do.
My second mistake in life —
My second “bad choice” is in NOT waiting for marriage for sex. Of course, had I done so, I wouldn’t have my awesome son Christopher. I never viewed him as a mistake or a bad choice. He has always just been a silver lining in my life. Viewed from the Fundamental Christian perspective, he is crap.
Sorry, Christopher. The Christians don’t like you. According to them, you are a mistake. I don’t agree, but I’m just a woman. I’ll let you, as a man, sort that out for yourself.
You know what? I cry “FOUL” on this one as well. I refuse to think of either of my children as mistakes. Fuck you if you wanna think that way. Come say it to my face. Then let’s see where it goes from there.
My third mistake in life —
My third “bad choice” is in not marrying well. In all the times I have exchanged vows, not once did I marry for money. What a bitch.
If a woman does not marry well, she can’t afford to stay home and raise her babies. She hears daily how crappy she is for not contributing financially. She has to go out into the work force.
Of course, then she is labeled as a shitty parent because she’s allowing daycare to raise her kids. Also, society will still expect her to cook dinner, clean laundry, and pick up the house. Because that is still her job, too. She has to do ALL the work, because the meanie-pants Christians say so.
The poor bitch just can’t win. She will never make the right choice. Not ever. Because her husband doesn’t make enough money. She is in a no-win situation because of her husband’s financial status.
You know what? I cry “FOUL” on this one, too. The idea that we should marry for money is kind of a high-class form of prostitution. I’m good company, but I’m no whore.
My fourth mistake in life —
My fourth “bad choice” is in the number of marriages I have under my belt. Let’s talk about those.
The first time I married, it was purely for logistical reasons. I didn’t want to give up custody of my son when I joined the military, so a friend of mine went through the motions and we had the marriage annulled less than six months later.
The second time I married, it was because I was pregnant, and because I was really, really, really in deep obsessional love with the guy, so I thought it would end perfectly. I forgot about the bit where the love should be returned. Poop.
About a month after the wedding, I miscarried, so there was Mister-I-Don’t-Love-You trapped in a marriage he had never wanted. We drug it out for a very painful two years. We tried again about a year after our divorce, but no dice. We just weren’t right for each other.
The third time I married, it was for fairytale love. We had known each other as kids, our dads had been stationed together overseas, and our moms were best friends. Perfect, right?
You see where this is going.
Foolish Andi-Roo, there is no such thing as a fairytale. You have to be grownups and marriage is constant work. Also? There are no points in life wherein the participants break out into song, much to my chagrin. In addition to NOT being a fairytale, life is also not a musical.
I learned a lot during that relationship — about myself, about my expectations, about my role as a parent, about my friends, about what I wanted in a partner.
The fourth time I married, it was to my best friend. We married for love — REAL love, not that fake fairytale love. We married with the understanding that life sucks, but that together we can make things better for each other and for our kids. Took me long enough to get here, but at least I showed up, right?
You know what? I have no choice but to cry “FOUL” on this one. If I’d stayed with my first husband — the marriage of convenience — I’d never have given birth to my gorgeous and brilliant daughter. And I’d be married to someone purely for all the wrong reasons. And I wouldn’t be with my current husband. I’m pretty sure he does not look at my fourth marriage as a mistake.
My hubz seems to like me an awful lot. He doesn’t consider me buried in mistakes. But then, he isn’t Christian. I guess that’s a good thing, because otherwise, he wouldn’t be with me.
Scary thought — if I had operated under truly Christian principles, I would not have either of my children, or my wonderful husband. That is a terrible plan, people!
My fifth mistake in life —
My fifth “bad choice” is in listening to any of you crazy Fundament Christians and considering your words even for a second. You are all ass-hats.
Strike. On this score, I am guilty as charged.