August AtoZ: Mary Jane
A) An annoying character who always tells Peter Parker, “Go get ’em, Tiger!”
B) A little girl’s style of shoes, usually black patent leather.
C) An illegal drug called marijuana which is less dangerous than alcohol or cigarettes, both of which are not only legal but allowable directly in front of children.
You know what? I find all three of these items exceptionally controversial. Mary Jane in all forms gets me riled up.
Seriously — I want to smack Mary Jane because she is all oblivious to Peter’s drooling, and then when she finally gets the picture, she briefly dates him, before deciding he doesn’t love her enough, and she dumps him for his best friend, who is actually a fucking murderous psycho. And then she’s all, “Help me, Spiderman!”
Fuck that. He should let her drop to her death every single time the bad guy picks her up by the dainty ankle and whips her into a brick wall, from which she always seems to recover with nary a concussion. Mary Jane is a cock-teasing little cunt and plus? She’s a ginger. Need I say more?
I can hear you asking me, “But, Andi-Roo, what’s so bad about Mary Jane SHOES?” Oh, I’ll tell you what’s so bad about them. They are shiny. And plus? They are shiny. Yeah, I said that shit twice, because that’s just how fucking shiny they are. I hate shiny shoes. They seriously piss me off. I want to rub them in sand and make them be NOT shiny. On a hot day, the sun reflects off them, making them infinitely more shiny than I ever thought possible. These shoes make me want to punch little girls. Don’t even get me started on what I want to do to people wearing Mary Janes who AREN’T little girls. It’s pretty violent, and we’ll leave it there.
And finally, the drug. The main source of angst for anyone reading this post. You know what makes me fucking angry as all hellz?
((( Reader, you say, “No, Andi-Roo, WHAT makes you angry as all hellz?”
You do NOT say, “Yes, Andi-Roo, EVERYTHING makes you angry as all hellz.”
Work with me here, people. )))
One thing (among many others) that makes me angry as all hellz is seeing a child in the back of a car with the windows rolled up and parents smoking in the front seat, apparently oblivious to the harm they are causing to the young one’s lungs. I want to stab these imbeciles. The act of smoking in your car with kids as passengers should be completely illegal. But it’s not. And I don’t get that.
But someone lights up Mary Jane (the drug, obviously — not the shoes or the girls, although I would definitely like to see them lit up as well!), and you would think, from the crazy reactions I get to this topic, that the third circle of hell just appeared on Earth and we are all fucked. You would think the Zombie Apocalypse was upon us. This Mary Jane shit is all kinds of serious. We’re talking evil to the max. Worse almost than raping kittens, if you can imagine.
What the fuck kind of planet have I landed on, where an evil red-headed whore is beloved by all, and shiny black shoes are worn as style, and a drug that makes you relax (so I hear) is considered five-hundred times worse than cigarettes? I swear to Zeus I must be an alien. Can no one else see this miss-match in philosophies?
Throughout the money of August 2012, my dear friend Aaron @dadblunders and I are doing a dry run of the Blogging From A to Z Challenge. This past April was my first official participation in such activity, and I had no idea what I was doing. No theme, no forethought, purely spur-of-the-moment. This time around, I have a plan. Join the fun!
For this event, I am engaging in a month of controversy. Consider yourself forewarned.