Oh. My. Gosh. You guys –
I just received the most awesome news. You will never believe what happened to me today — I know I sure don’t believe it! This is simply the best gift anyone has ever bestowed upon me. The stars must be in perfect alignment, for the gods are surely casting smiles my direction.
I have been contacted by Lord Mazuka.
I know, right? LORD FUCKING MAZUKA! Just… amazeballs! That is the only word I can come up with to describe this auspicious crossing of paths. Of all the people on the interwebz, Lord Mazuka chose *ME*. I am feeling special right about now. It burns inside me like a candle that fell over and set my curtains aflame. The joy — it HURTS, people! That’s how big it is. My heart can’t contain all this happy.
So. Me -n- Lord Mazuka.
You might be asking yourself, “Who the flying fuck is this Mazuka character, and why should I care?” I know that’s certainly the question racing around my mind at this moment. It’s the “Lord” part of the title that has me all fired up with anticipation. Surely anyone dubbed “Lord” is a force with which to be reckoned, amirite?
No. Turns out Lord Mazuka is a fucking liar-face.
Really bad salesperson.
“Lord mazuka white magic spells.
Lord mazuka white magic spells.
A temple where all kind of problems are
solved with the ancient powerful magic.
We cast all kinds of spells, and get results without any side effect.
Out spells is very fast in action, and lasts forever.
BROKEN MARRIAGE SPELLS,
LOTTERY OR ANY KIND OF GAMBLE SPELLS,
SUCESS IN EXAMS SPELLS,
ELECTION WINNING SPELLS.
Contact us if you need our help, and tell us your problem,
and we will solve it out with the supreme powerful spells of lord mazuka powerful spells.
and all your problem will be solved,
and you will live a happy life forever.
147092400[email protected] ”
Doesn’t that all just sound complety legit?
I wonder if the “ancient powerful magic” to which Lord Mazuka refers has anything to do with dodging taxes. I hear that’s a skill which goes WAAAAY back. But first, let’s just look at the surface errors.
1. Lord Mazuka can’t decide if it’s capitalized or not. That’s a problem. Either this individual is all for realz, in which case capitalization is paramount, or this individual is a freaking joke, in which case, YEAH, I can see why the capitalization was skipped.
Lord Mazuka, are you implying that you are lacking in legitimacy? That breaks my heart, man.
2. Lord Mazuka can’t decide if it’s a plural or singular individual. Noun / Verb agreement is seriously missing here.
Lord Mazuka, how many are you? WE WANTS TO KNOW.
3. Lord Mazuka, I really like the idea of you “solve it out” when it comes to untangling my personal problems. Like I’m an algebra equation and you just have to isolate the “x”.
Lord Mazuka, you crazy loon, YOU are the “x”.
4. Lord Mazuka, when you say that I “will live a happy life forever”, do you mean “forever” in an INFINITY kind of way. I’m asking for a friend. A friend who is very, very interested in staying alive and never dying. Totally not me.
Lord Mazuka, I was lying. I totally want to live a happy life forever. That would be cool and is bound to involve lots of sex, chocolate, Coca-Cola, and books. Can you give me all that, plus my hubz and my kids and my cat?
5. Lord Mazuka, you left an awful lot of false contact information. I know because I tried to search for you and came up empty-handed. Which is BS, man. How am I supposed to live a happy life forever and watch you solve out my problems if you are passing out fake business cards? I cry foul, dude.
Lord Mazuka, wherefore art thou?