Last week I discussed my personal reasons for wishing I could say, “Goodbye Facebook” and in doing so uncovered a Hipster movement which equates leaving the big EFF-BEE with ordering a tall non-fat mocha latte. Or whatever those specialty diet coffee drinks from StarBucks are called. You know the ones I mean — they cost like five-hundred krillion dollars. Whatever.
People! Y U No Want Facebook?
I was curious to see why other people — even Hipsters — might be eager to say, “Goodbye Facebook” so I decided to look into the matter further.
Oh, okay, all right. For fuck’s sake, I’ll just be honest. I was searching for validation. I wanted to know that others had experienced my situation, that I wasn’t alone in my frustrations. I hoped to find blog posts and articles backing up my position. In the writing world this would be called “Research” but in the blogging world it’s really nothing more than “Justification.”
Nothing like the Huffington Post to make you feel stupid, whatever you do.
The hipster phenomenon to say “Goodbye Facebook” was first brought to my attention in reading an interesting piece by Bianca Bosker called “Quitting Facebook Is The New ‘I Quit TV’ (You Hipster, You)”. To summarize:
“Once upon a time, being on Facebook meant you were hip. Now, not having a Facebook account is the status symbol — at least to some.”
Even the Atlantic Wire says, “All the Cool Kids Are Quitting Facebook” –
“Joining Facebook isn’t cool. You know what’s cool? Quitting Facebook.”
Saying “Goodbye Facebook” is some weird minimalist thing which I guess is supposed to show how awesome you are for NOT being sucked into the idiot box. That’s great. Whatever. Here I guess you COULD conceivably call me a hipster, because I haven’t had cable in like, ten years. But not because of anything society related. It has to do with several personal factors.
Why I don’t have cable (no, not even local).
1. I’m poor. When you only have a few pennies to go around, you cut what isn’t necessary. Water bill and food for the kids? Definitely must-haves. TV shows that eventually come out on DVD and which you may then borrow for free from your local library? Hmmm… Yeah, I’ll skip cable. That’s not a social statement, though. That’s just being a grownup.
2. I’m the most prolific library patron EVER. Even as a child I lived in the library. So it only makes sense that, even WITH cable, I would discover shit I wanted to watch as I wandered the stacks. Why go home and try to find it, or schedule my evenings around it, when I could simply check it out (for free — can’t say this one enough!) and watch it at my leisure. DUH.
3. Noise is grody. We went on vacation once and stayed with friends who kept the idiot box on THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME WE WERE THERE. I am terrible at being able to split my attention or block out extraneous sounds. So they’d be trying to talk at me and I couldn’t concentrate on what they were saying because some bitch-ass whore named Judge Judy was blabbing in the background. For the record, I hate that asshole and would punch her in the wiener if she crossed my path. And yes, I understand I just accused a woman of having a wiener. I’m pretty sure she has one, though, so what I said makes perfect sense.
4. Commercials are awful and I don’t understand how people can watch them! Seriously, you guys. Explain how you get through this. I am baffled. People are always YELLING at you to buy things or try things or run to things or go to things… it’s very, very stressful.
5. My evenings belong to me and I won’t schedule them around something as stupid as TV. Rather, TV will schedule itself around ME, thank you very much. I’m not cable’s bitch. Know who is MY bitch, though? The library, Netflix, and Amazon Prime. Between these three services, one of which is free and two of which are extremely affordable given the alternative, I can pretty much watch anything I want — once it’s been released on DVD. And trust me — if it’s good, it’ll eventually come out. Learn some fucking patience, people. You actually CAN wait for the next season of Dr. Who or Game of Thrones or Downton Abbey or whatever it is you’re watching.
Right, but who cares? We aren’t supposed to be talking about TV usage here. We are supposed to be talking about Facebook usage. Or NON-usage, as the case may be. I like what one commenter had to say about the accusations flying around the “Quit technology” movement:
“So, when you quit something you don’t enjoy and find no useful purpose in, that makes you an elitist and a hipster. Ok.”
I am a snob and whatnot.
I guess, instead of arguing that I’m neither elitist NOR hipster, I should just embrace these new, weird labels and see how they fit. Fine. I’m an elitist. I totally look down on people who are douche bags. Yep. I think I’m better than douche bags. You got me. And hipster? Totally. I don’t know what the means, but I do like strong coffee. You should come over sometime so I can make you a cuppa with my Keurig. There are some decaf K-cups in the back of my cupboard which never get used because who drinks that swill? You are welcome.
“Posting an update that’s even slightly negative or inopportune wreaks [sic] of Debbie Downer-ism. But life itself isn’t always shiny and amazing. I’m bringing awareness to this truth. Do you not want the truth? Oh, then go hide your head in your Facebook.”
Ah. Now that sounds like something I wrote. Is it any wonder I refer to my personal Facebook account as my “fake” page where I post goody-goody smile-inducing happy thoughts? Any wonder that I reserve my deeper impressions or dirty language or politically incorrect jokes for my blog’s Facebook Page?
“I will not be manipulated by people who refuse to share their good news, photos or invites any other way. IMHO, it is nothing but rudeness and laziness.”
~ Commenter on the article “I Could Never Quit Facebook & I’m Not Ashamed to Admit It” by Jeanne Sager.
I couldn’t have said it better myself.