Addressing me by my first name in emails and form letters to make your correspondence seem more personal… is just plain creepy, particularly if we’ve never even spoken to each other. As I have subscribed to more and more blogs, I’ve noticed a disproportionately large amount of the senders talking to ANDI like we’re old pals. Sometimes I have to stop and think about what I’m reading — Who the hell is this author again now?
As the Caterpillar asked Alice: Who. Are. You?
I don’t mind when businesses use my first name in correspondence if it’s a business I have actually patronized, and if the individual penning the letter has a clue who I am. For example, it’s okay when Debbie from Your Scrapping Cafe does it… because we’ve actually met and would recognize each other on the street and have even exchanged personal emails from time to time. Also, she is my friend. Well, I hope she is my friend. I like her an awful lot. Wait — you ARE my friend, right Debbie???
Dear Scary People: Please Don’t Talk to Me. Love, Andi-Roo.
On the other hand, Ramit from the personal finance blog I Will Teach You to be Rich is kind of… rough. He’s fucking scary, actually. Like almost as much so as Chelsea Handler or Penelope Trunk. I don’t know if I could handle either Chelsea or Penelope addressing me in any fashion whatsoever, much less by first name. I might poop my pants if that ever happened. Ramit talks mad at people and I’m always afraid he will find out I’m broke and come yell in my face about it. So I don’t really like that his email salutations pretend we are chums.
You hear that, Ramit? I’m afraid of you! Stop using my first name!
Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.
This whole thought process made me wonder if people are scared of ME in any way. I know I can be a bit growl-ish. I’m also very judge-y, and not afraid to call someone out if I think they are being stupid. Wouldn’t it be funny if Ramit, Chelsea, and Penelope were all sitting around at a bar drinking margaritas and whatnot, talking about that scary bitch Andi-Roo? ← Now see, my name alone inspires no fear. Andi-Roo sounds gentle, fun, and exciting. She sounds like a right good time.
Dear moms: Please don’t name your baby girls Loretta. That is all.
I read an article recently called “Names that Make You Shudder” which discussed the feelings associated with someone’s name. For example, I can never find love in my heart for someone named Loretta, because that bitch was so mean at me that just the sound of her name would inspire instant hate. I’m sorry to all you innocent Lorettas out there; you must bear the shame of that one Loretta who gave you a bad name… so to speak. Contrary to this, I will always find a way to forgive a Lola. I knew one of those and she was so awesome-kewl-funny that I have to believe she spoke for the entire Lola Nation.
Names are an important key
to what a society values.
Anthropologists recognize naming as
‘one of the chief methods
for imposing order on perception.’
~David S. Slawson
And what about Voldemort? Or Cain? Or other evil people? Could you ever carry on a conversation with someone bearing the name of PRIME BADNESS? I actually know a kid named Cain, and he is a pretty decent fellow, but I have to wonder WTF his mom was thinking. Kind of mean trick, if you ask me.
I wonder how Cain would feel if Ramit wrote an email to him?
“Dear Cain, blah-blah-blah. Sincerely, Ramit” ← creepy, right?
Names, once they are in common use,
quickly become mere sounds,
their etymology being buried,
like so many of the earth’s marvels,
beneath the dust of habit.
I wouldn’t mind becoming a household habit. Say it: Andi-Roo. Andi-Roo. Andi-Roo.