Which — conveniently for the Blogging From A to Z Challenge — begins with the Letter A. What’s easier than talking about yourself? Yeah, that’s what I thought… piece of cake. And then I sat down and found myself “on the spot”, suddenly rendered speechless.
Say anything too upbeat, and I come off as one of those crappy-happies who leave messages on Facebook about how perfect life is. “Andi-Roo is such a fake — NOBODY has a life THAT perfect.”
Say anything too pessimistic, and I come off as one of those heavy, depressive, emotionally draining losers who has nothing good to say. “Andi-Roo is such a downer — I need to snort cocaine after reading her blogs.”
Say anything factual and detached, and I come off as boring and lecture-ish. “Andi-Roo is such a know-it-all — what an elitist snob!”
In lieu of better ingredients, I’ll take a pinch of each (positive, negative, and dull), stir lightly, and hope for the perfect Andi-Roo recipe. Kind of like lemonade: In addition to the lemons, add sugar for sweetness (positive), salt for tangy (negative), and water for the base (dull). I should taste mighty fine, if mixed correctly.
For Andi-Roo, Happy Is A Choice.
This is my #1 mantra. It’s first on my list of Personal Commandments. Sounds totally cheesy, lame, and goofball-ish, I know. But see, I have had issues with depression most of my life, and — in addition to counseling and medication — I have found that I need to surround myself with “glass half-full” kinds of things. “Happy is a choice” is a constant reminder that joy does not simply fall into one’s lap. One must be intentional, making the decision over and over again to see the silver lining.
Dumb Things Surround Andi-Roo.
Finding the “good” in a crappy situation doesn’t come naturally to me. I tend to think that everything is stupid and that humans generally suck. This obviously isn’t a healthy or mature attitude, so I work constantly to overcome my surly nature. I do a lot of apologizing, because frankly, it’s easier to be pissy than peppy. If someone drew a cartoon caricature of my inner turmoil, it would most closely resemble a combination of Eeyore, Grouchy Smurf, Grumpy Dwarf, Oscar the Grouch, and Grumpy Bear.
Do I really want my legacy to be:
The Grumpy Grouch Who Was Always Angry And Cried All The Time.
Or, as I’ve been called more than once:
Quite the bitchy asshole.
No. Of course not. So I reject that cranky persona on a daily basis. I emulate Jokey Smurf and try to make people laugh, including myself. I follow Happy Dwarf’s lead and act jolly. I adopt Funshine Bear as my personal hero and aim to be cheerful even when I don’t feel like it. This stuff works more often now than it did at first. Now I don’t always have to work so hard to be happy. It usually no longer kills me to smile, even when our kitchen ceiling caved in. At least it wasn’t the sky falling on my head!
This post is part of the great bloggy-blog recovery process.
During the month of April 2012 Andi-Roo participated in the
wherein she posted every day that month
blogging thematically from A to Z.
Her theme revolved around issues about which she feels passionate.
Andi-Roo was told not to apologize for this.