That’s just the way I am – Also… Andi-Roo sings Britney opera style!

Posted on by

It’s been a difficult couple of weeks. Truth be told, it’s been a difficult five years.

 

audacity of hope by barack obama

The whole time period leading up to President Obama’s inauguration introduced me to hatred like I’ve never encountered. Kids on school buses wishing for an assassination. Family members disinheriting one another. Blatant racism. Accusations of communism, fascism, socialism, un-American-ism, Satanism.

 

Maybe “difficult” was too light an adjective. Maybe something more along the lines of “appalling” and “terrifying” and “shocking” start to cover it.

 

Some other characteristics I’ve stumbled across more often of late include arrogance and presumption. People keep approaching me for political discussion with the idea that we’re on the same team — which may or may not be the case — and I’m expected to nod quietly, refrain from raising a ruckus, avoid conflict.

 

Because that’s what good grownups do.

 

Except I’m not a very good grownup. At least, not when it comes to keeping my mouth shut.

 

That’s just the way I am.

 

debate drinking game

At the bus stop the afternoon following the Vice Presidential debates, a dude whom my hubz and I refer to as “crack dad” (because he is AIDS-thin and looks like he sells his body for drugs — and plus his kid is a little shit) started up a conversation.

 

This is nothing new. He tries to talk at me, like, ALL THE FUCKING TIME. And I try to avoid getting into anything with him, because he likes to hear himself speak an awful lot for someone who dresses regularly in paint-stained khakis.

 

courtney love

Yeah, I realize this is really goddamn hypocritical of me, given that I show up with greasy hair and wearing yesterday’s sweatpants, and usually have the previous day’s eye makeup melted down my face so that I resemble some kind of scary backup singer from an all-chick 90s Goth band.

 

The difference between him and me? I’m not trying to force myself upon the other parents. I’m trying, in fact, to hide from them.

 

That’s just the way I am.

 

So “crack dad” enters my personal space, what one might refer to as “My Grill”, and asks if I have watched the debates.

 

I tell him, “No, I have not.” This, at the time, was the truth.

 

I wanted so badly to add, “But we plan to! We just haven’t gotten to it yet. Gotta catch it on them you-tubes due to a lack of interest in TV.”

 

The conversational, always-say-too-much-cuz-everything-is-a-story, part of me longs to say more.

 

That’s just the way I am.

 

But I don’t add any of that. I’ve learned that, the more scraps you give a stray, the more likely the uninvited cat comes back looking for more.

 

I was keeping myself in check, just short of clapping my hands at him and saying, “Shoo!”

 

But he kept coming. I tried to tune him out, because I really wasn’t looking for either debate spoilers or an intense conversation wherein I agree / disagree emphatically with his stance on politics.

 

He was able to get as far as “Malarkey” before I shut him down, covering my ears dramatically and drawing out in a loud, silly, low-pitched, slow-mo-type voice, “Noooooooooooooooo!”

 

That’s just the way I am.

 

I’m fairly certain from his “Malarkey” comment, and what I’ve come to understand of this comment from Twitter, that “crack dad” is not on my team. Regardless, I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to get into it. And I resented the implication that I was prisoner to a neighborly conversation.

 

dungeon door

Fuck all that, dude. I’m nobody’s prisoner. I served my country, and was told during that brief stint, “Shut your mouth and don’t say a word. You will listen to ME.” And you know what? I didn’t like it. So you know what else? I’m never being held in a dialogue dungeon ever again. NOT NEVER. Get me?

 

That’s just the way I am.

 

I’m sure I came off as a real winner. By which, of course, I mean psychotic scary person. But Jesus Christ. What the fuck was I supposed to do?

 

We have reached a strange era in time wherein the following are “givens”:

 

  1. For the Right, women are a sub-class.

 

This means the supposed correct reaction would have been standing there a listening silently, then offering to make this fine stallion a chicken sandwich followed by a blow job.

 

  1. The Left is “un-American” (which thereby leaves the Right to act in extremely “un-American ways — like, for example, accosting people in public).

 

To inflict his perspective upon me in an elbow-rubbing manner wasn’t un-American. But for me to make him SHUT THE FUCK UP — completely un-American and I likely should be shot for committing such a heinous crime.

 

For fuck’s sake, my actions were almost as dangerous and evil as TP-ing houses.

 

  1. Being politically correct — sitting on fences — avoiding conflict — keeping mum — not speaking up — remaining silent — refusing to choose sides — all these behaviors are expected of others (but of course not of oneself).

 

Crack-dad was free to choose a side, but when I did it? Complete breach of etiquette

 

atlas holding world

I’m tired of the responsibility to behave being placed firmly on my shoulders alone. When a distant relative is an asshole at a family get-together, and I dare to question the asshole’s actions, I always get this weird, uncomfortable response that I’m beginning to suspect isn’t really a well thought out defense for the perp so much as a defense for why no one fights against it:

 

“That’s just the way he is.”

 

I notice the favor isn’t returned when I act up. Assholes are known as assholes and are never expected to apologize for their behavior. After all, we have come to expect asshole-ish-ness from assholes, and we now forgive them even when (a) forgiveness was never requested, and (b) forgiveness was completely inappropriate.

 

So I’m going to be the asshole now, okay? I’m that guy. Girl. Woman. Whatever. I’m the person who is going to call you on your shit.

 

That’s just the way I am.

 

And when it’s time to force me back into my seat, I’m going to respond the way weirdo family members do toward verbally abusive husbands (in the case of past extended relations), or the way friends act toward cheating spouses (in the case of long-past buddy-buddy hang-out sessions), or the way the neighbors act toward a kid that’s getting beat up by her mom (in the case of the teenager I had legally removed from her home).

 

I’m gonna say, “That’s just the way I am.” And you ultra-forgiving fucks can get over yourselves.

 

People, stop assuming I’m on your team — whichever fucking team that might be. It’s rude and presumptuous, and from now on I’m going to tell you so straight to your stupid, obnoxious face.

 

I don’t want to talk politics at the bus stop. I don’t want to stand silent while you blah-blah-blah about what so-n-so said at the debate last night. I don’t want to quietly seethe with burning rage that poisons my insides and causes ulcers in my stomach lining. I don’t want to cuss you out in front of everyone.

 

That’s just the way I am.

 

You’re leaving me no option but to sing Britney Spears (any song will do) at the top of my lungs in heavy opera. Don’t think I won’t do it, asshole.

 

Don’t let this happen to you.

 

 

Comments

comments

  • Jack Durish

    I see the way you are. It’s just not
    the way I am. Does that make me hateful or racist? I hope that you
    don’t really believe that, but it sounds like you do. I have very
    good reasons for wanting President Obama replaced as soon as possible
    that have nothing to do with race or hatefulness.

    I don’t inflict myself and my opinions
    on innocent bystanders, but when someone blogs “malarkey” I
    call them on it.

    1. The left has waged war on women far
    more than the right. Women who attempt to follow traditional role
    models are attacked by women on the left as backwards, servile, and
    silly. Women on the left have tunnel vision demanding that the state
    pay for their sexual activity while failing to see that progressive
    failures in managing the economy have hurt them disproportionately
    compared to men.

    2. The left accosts people in the
    streets far more frequently and far more callously than the right.
    Compare the Occupy movement vs the Tea Party movement. No one was
    ever arrested at a Tea Party gathering. Tea Partiers arranged
    insurance, permits, and sanitation at their gatherings. Can’t say the
    same for the Occupy movement.

    3. Being politically correct is a
    hallmark of the left. No one who opposes them dare open their mouths
    in the presence of a leftist without having soup shoved in it.

    However, I still love your style.

    • http://www.theworld4realz.com/ Andi-Roo

      1. If you don’t like Obama for political, economic, or other related reasons, I have no beef with that. Whatever — that’s just a difference in understanding & interpreting policies. That would mean an actual polite discussion could ensue, which would be welcome.

      2. The ugliness to which I refer isn’t my imagination, isn’t some trumped up BS. Kids on my children’s school buss were, in fact, discussing a wish to “assassinate that nigger”. This is not something I’m pulling off the internet as an “I heard it so it must be true.” This is IN FACT an event which occurred. And not just one or two loudmouths. It was the majority of the students. We live in an all-white area of Republican cornfield America, so while the feeling isn’t a surprise, the words being spoken by 5-yr-olds *IS* somewhat of a shock. That shit happened. And that means parents — my people in my neighborhood — which is in Ohio, a renowned swing state — are saying this shit at home. In front of their offspring. So I don’t think RACIST is the incorrect term for me to use here.

      Additionally, as the mother to mixed-race children, I have seen more bullshit racism than any white man can ever imagine. It’s easy to assume that cries of racism are being trumped up when you don’t have to live it. My kids have to live it EVERY DAY. I didn’t start out looking for this. I grew up military overseas, with a quite mixed culture. I, too, as an unenlightened white person, thought cries of racism were ridiculous. Then I gave birth to mixed race kids, one of whom is called a “Dirty Mexican” or a “Nigger” to this day. Being white allows for a great amount of blindness to the plight of others.

      3. Many of my articles are definitely “I hate Republicans”. This one wasn’t particularly that direction. It was more “I hate people of all political affiliation who try to address controversial topics with me at my daughter’s bus stop.” Anyone who disagrees with me on this point either has no children, or is a seriously asshole-ish parent.

      4. As for the opening my mouth thing — this one makes me really angry. On Facebook I had all these old friends & relatives who posted shit daily about God is great & God is wonderful & God bless you & Goddy-Goddy-God-God is gonna getcha if you don’t re-post this. I NEVER told them to stop posting their crappy nonsense. Not once. But finally I started posting my own controversial stuff — the kind of stuff that says, “If your God encourages you to hate homosexuals, then your God is a douche-nugget”, & all of a sudden The Boom came down. I was harassed & told to shut up & castigated for my inflammatory statements. I was de-friended & blocked & screamed at and grounded by my own mom & dumped by people across the planet. You’d think I was a pedophile. Seriously. To insinuate that (a) God might not actually exist, or (b) that he might in fact exist but is an asshole, made me the equivalent of a terrorist hiding biological weapons in my cellar.

      I have never, ever started a conversation about politics with people I don’t already know, because I dread how it will go down. You know who starts conversations with me? Asshole Republicans who assume I agree that the “Nigger in office” needs to be put down. My own mother told me she actually HATES the man. She is a Christian. And she HATES, loathes, and is physically sickened by a human being she has never met. That shit is crazy.

      I stay quiet around my parents because they are nasty about politics. I stay quiet around my neighbors because I don’t want my children killed or my house blown up. I stay quiet at the store because I just want to buy my fucking milk and go home. I stay quiet and yet I am STILL addressed by people on the street. I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT WITH ASSHOLES ON THE STREET. I DON’T.

      What’s happening is that the Right wants to put up its pretty “God is great, Obama is a Nigger who must die, & gays should be beaten and sent straight to hell” posters. I let them, because really you can’t logically discuss these issues. Their asinine statements kind of announce that loud & clear. So I let them put up their posters. Whatever. In this country you’re free to think whatever stupid thing you want to think.

      Unless you want to put up a poster stating the opposite. Things like, “Hey Assholes, let’s stop calling people Niggers. Let’s not force everyone to be a Christian cuz that’s kind of counter to what Jesus actually wanted. Let’s not worry about what homosexuals — or anyone else, for that matter — are doing in bed with each other. Let’s just be nice, m-kay?” Then all of a sudden, two things happen:

      (a) Your Lefty propaganda gets torn down.
      (b) You are told to never spout that nasty nonsense ever again. In effect, to STFU.

      And a bonus event happens:
      (c) You’re accused of trying to tear down the Right’s posters & of being NOT NICE and chastised that you really need to get right with God.

      So I don’t want to hear about the fucking Right being quieted. That is exactly what’s NOT happening here. The Right can say whatever the fuck it wants — all backwards shit, like dinosaurs living in peace with cavemen Christians & women being charged to make more babies. I don’t care. They can say whatever bullshit they want.

      But goddammit, so can I. If the Right is allowed to talk about nonsense like “Niggers need to be assassinated on my kids’ fucking school bus, then I sure as hell can talk about the fact that Republicans are racist motherfuckers on my own blog.

      5. Women. Oh, traditional women. How I ache for you. You actually ENJOY missing the football game to clean up Thanksgiving dinner. Well, that’s great for you. You can keep on clearing the table, if that’s what you want to do, and then stand in the kitchen gossiping over wine. I won’t think anything less of your pretty little vagina.

      But what’s happening is that these “traditional values” are being forced upon me and my daughter and her eventual progeny. And fuck that, okay? Because I like me some football. I do not want to wash dishes and miss the game. Truthfully, I don’t want to do dishes AT ALL. So I make my adult some do them. Since he lives here too.

      I don’t ask the state to pay for my sexual tendencies. I do ask the state to help cover the cost of my ability to NOT have more kids. Because you Righties would be the first to call out against me if I got preggers. So what —? I’m not supposed to have sex with my own hubz unless it’s specifically to bear children? Fuck that, & fuck anyone who tells me I can’t fuck my own hubz unless it’s with the intent to procreate.

      Besides, birth control isn’t ONLY about sex. It’s also about regulating periods. I’m going to go out on a limb here & assume you have never suffered a painful menstrual cycle, or endometriosis for that matter. If I’m mistaken, & your pussy has indeed actually caused you some problems after all, please feel free to let me know & I will certainly apologize & recant. Birth control helps keep women’s shit from aching or from being too crazy on the calendar. Next time you start your period a week early, let me know. I can help you get that stain out — you know, since women across the planet have to deal with this shit every month.

      OMG — REALLY? I’m arguing with a dude about birth control? A person unable to conceive. An individual who would stab himself if ever overtaken with a menstrual cramp. Someone unable to give birth. I can’t even believe I have to defend the right to get regular health materials for my body — from someone who has no idea what it’s even LIKE to have this kind of body. Man. You have no idea. I just cannot continue this discussion. I refuse any longer to discuss vaginas, ovaries, uteruses, or fallopian tubes with people who DON’T HAVE THEM.

      It’s not like I tell you what to do with your penis. And that thing? Actually takes up space outside your body. Ridiculous.

      • http://www.theworld4realz.com/ Andi-Roo

        My hubz says this response was overly mean, so I want to apologize for going a bit overboard on this topic. It obviously pushes my buttons. He also points out that you gave me a compliment, which I neglected to address. He is correct. THANK YOU for mentioning that you enjoy my style. I do appreciate it, even if I got too riled up to say so at first.