I couldn’t decide what to write for today, but then my son reminded me I had a great story to tell. He had been thoroughly insulted and wanted me to talk about it here on my bloggy-blog. I mean, he even didn’t mind when I spoke up on his behalf and defended him.

 

~CRAZY~

 

So, Christopher, this one is for you.

 I checked the notes from my iPod, upon which I had recorded the mishap in finger-peck style in the nifty notepad reminder section, and to my amusement, this is what I found:

 

“Write post about that ass-hat at Best Buy.”

 

Yeah, I wrote that. In my notes. Sometimes, I am the funniest person in my world. You don’t have to agree, but you’re worthless if you don’t. Just sayin’.

 

So here’s the scoop. Last Christmas, my son received as a gift an iPad, upon which he has college textbooks and all his contacts for school. He uses it to text his girlfriend, to talk to his friends on (the very shit-tastic) Facebook, and to keep in touch with extended family.

 

I will also add here, in spite of its lack of relevance, that he listens to an extremely odd and eclectic mix of music at annoying volumes all over the house. Rap is followed by Disney soundtracks, followed by contemporary pop, followed by country, followed by hip hop / R&B, followed by 80s, followed by numbers from musicals, followed by 90s.

 

Totally off topic, but interesting nonetheless, yes?

 

I’m gonna add something else here before I go back to my story. This generation is fucking STRANGE in its music tastes. I’m shocked as all hellz that my son and his friends — young adults just out of high school — know and enjoy Aerosmith as well as other groups from good times long past.

 

I mean, really. What the fuck? That’s just weird, right? GOOD, but weird.

 

But I’m sure you want to know more about that ass-hat at Best Buy.

 

Christopher uses his expensive toy wisely and well, because he knows that if it breaks, it can’t be replaced. It was a gift, yes, but not from us. We couldn’t have afforded something that awesome.

 

You know that story of the pony and the roller skates? It goes like this: A child will always ask for something impossible (a pony) on her Christmas wish list, in hopes that the small gift (the roller skates) will be that much more of a sure thing.

 

In the story of the pony and the roller skates, we’re the parents who give books. Because even roller skates are generally beyond our budget, and everyone in this household enjoys reading.

 

So yeah, if that fucker breaks, it’s done for good. This ensures it gets babied like I might baby an autographed first edition of something like Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. I don’t actually have one of those, for the record. Feel free to send me one. And if you can’t afford it, please don’t replace it with a pony! I will, however, accept the roller skates.

 

Back to the story of that ass-hat at Best Buy.

 

So one day, Christopher accidentally dropped his iPad. Oh, no! But it landed on his ultra-high pile of laundry, so all’s well that ends well. Hoorayz! *and there was much throwing of glitter!*

 

That wouldn’t be either true to life, or a very good story, though. And of course, that’s exactly NOT what happened.

 

He did drop his iPad, and it did indeed land on a pile of laundry. Unfortunately he might as well have thrown it full-force onto a concrete slab, because that’s what the resulting cracks suggest happened. It hit at “just the right” angle and the screen now looks like the windshield of a car that just came out the loser in a head-on collision.

 

We took the boy and his toy to Best Buy, where we hoped the Geek Squad might offer, if not a fix-it service, at least maybe some advice. What we got, instead, was a lecture from some ass-clown of the highest order.

 

This is what the red-necked douche-wagon said, I shit you not.

 

“I’m gonna tell you something. These things aren’t meant to be thrown around like Frisbees,”

said that ass-hat at Best Buy.

 

We all stood there and stared at the supposed “expert” with our jaws on the ground. Seriously? That was his professional advice?

 

Now when I’m in public with my guys, they try really hard to censor me, because I’m renowned for being easily offended and for going off and for making a scene and for causing embarrassing moments and for all sorts of uncomfortable good times.

 

So when I went off on this punk-ass, that ass-hat at Best Buy, I fully expected to receive my family’s wrath. But apparently they were as miffed as I, because they just stood back and let me growl.

 

This is what I said:

“It’s really CUTE that you think he THREW his expensive, irreplaceable equipment. But that’s NOT what happened.”

 

I know, that was pretty tame. The words as stated above cannot convey the tone, expression, or mood I was shooting at the guy with my laser-point glare. You just have to take my word for it.

 

It was pretty obvious that my face was adding,

“… you presumptuous, uppity, shit-head.”

 

Neither my son nor my hubz moved in front of me to block further motherly consternation, which is what usually happens when I lose my cool in public.

 

They normally try to protect the following:

 

(a) me — from potential lash-back from the offended party.

(b) the asshole I’m addressing — from further consternation.

(c) themselves — from further mortification.

 

Not this time. Every man for himself, apparently. Including that ass-hat at Best Buy.

 

Truly galling was the fact that the customer service kid didn’t even flinch. I hate that kid. I hate his insinuation that my son is an irresponsible piss-ant who could afford to act in such a stupid fashion. I hate his assumption that I’m a piece-of-shit parent who would raise my progeny to be so careless. I hate a society of full of crappy citizens who obviously gave him reason to believe this is in the first place.

 

I want to throat punch him. And then I want to throat punch all the parents who didn’t teach their kids to respect their belongings.

 

The resulting visit served no good. The iPad is at the end of its warranty and thus isn’t covered.

 

Best Buy (or, at least, that ass-hat at Best Buy) won’t touch it “with a 10 meter cattle prod”. {{{ * MEGA-POINTS if you can name the movie from which this is quoted! * }}}

We’re checking alternate sources now. My son really needs that iPad to not be completely broken. We drove home broken-hearted.

 

“But donuts for dinner so yay!”

— Actual final sentence in my notes. We decided to assuage our sadness and defeat with a stop at Dunkin Donuts, where much powdery fun was had by all.

 

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