Multitasking — No, You Didn’t

 

You can’t do more than one thing at a time.

My hubz swears on all that is holy, and then swears again on all that is UN-holy, that multitasking is something he can do — that he is able to do more than one thing at a time. I will admit, he is pretty good at it sometimes. He can definitely chew gum and walk at the same time, which makes him a winner.

 

Don’t even try. Especially if you’re a gamer.

But more often than not I can tell if he is trying to carry on a phone conversation with me while playing COD. He gets very … distant. He hardly responds at all, & when he does, it’s only the briefest of nods: “Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay. No. Right.” Sounds like he is totally blowing me off. I generally hang up on him when he turns into gamer-mode-guy, because I seriously do NOT want to compete. I shouldn’t have to. I wash the undies. I win. Game over.

 

My hubz isn’t the only liar.

I am always struck by the multitasking phenomenon that has swept our busy society. Instead of looking for perfection, or productivity, we seek out mediocrity at best.

 

Attempting Multitasking leads to Mediocrity.

Who can get the most accomplished?

Screw skilled labor!

Slop that shit down and move on!

“It ain’t gotta be perfect!” ← true statement at one place of employment which shall remain unnamed, at which I worked for less than one week. It was a movie theater.*

I admit I am a bit of a perfectionist… but really? Is that such a bad thing? You want me to apologize for taking pride in a job well done? That’s utter rubbish! If I’m not expected to put my “all” into it, I would rather skip out altogether, thanks. Because I am also really lazy, and any excuse to put hard work aside is aces in my book!

 

The lazy perfectionist. An oxymoron? No, I don’t think so. Either do it, and do it well, or drop it like a fucking hot potato. That’s my motto.

 

INTERLUDE: A Note on the positives of Perfectionism.

Except for sometimes. Because sometimes Perfectionism freezes me up, at which point Perfection is the enemy of Productivity and Progress. But that’s another topic altogether. Right now we’re discussing ON-PURPOSE sucking at life.

 

While this mindset has definitely held me back in many areas of my life — for example, we’ve lived in this house for over five years yet still have hardly any pictures or art on our walls — I have seen what the opposite mentality accomplishes: Lots of framed doo-dads all over the place, crooked as all hellz. That house is ugly. Avoid it all costs. Also, the owner is a mean bitch. Just sayin’…

 

One might suggest that at least in the second example, the work was attempted, if imperfectly. Good point. But irrelevant for the purposes of this post. Chipped fingernail polish is not prettier than skipping it altogether with the understanding that I will do a really lousy job or that the work will take a really long time to complete to my (ridiculously high) standards.

 

You’re telling me THIS is a job better attempted half-ass than not at all?

I’ve stated in the past that I get really involved in whatever I’m reading. So much so that a distraction can scare the doo-doo out of me, causing a reaction which in turn scares the doo-doo out of the perpetrator. I don’t shift attention easily; I focus HARD CORE. This definitely has its drawbacks — like when the hubz is trying to talk at me but I can’t hear him because damn it to hellz I’m working over here! But mostly it’s a good thing. Well that’s my opinion anyway. My husband might disagree, but that has no bearing here.

 

(Like HE’S to be trusted;

he doesn’t even believe that afghans

possess magical healing properties.

Stupid-head.)

 

It’s a good thing that I focus on one thing at a time because it means I’m IN IT TO WIN IT. I’m not half-assed. I’m all for realz. And I know I’m right in this because… wait for it… science says so.

 

The cover of Scientific American’s March/April issue was dedicated to the topic of multitasking. The article opens with a quote attributed to Albert Einstein:

 

“Any man who can drive safely

while kissing a pretty girl

is simply not giving the kiss

the attention it deserves.”

 

An NPR article states that humans are not actually able to concentrate on similar skill sets at the same time — like tweeting while you’re trying to order a coffee — because all that communication junk clogs up the same part of the brain. So what people are actually doing is switching back and forth between the two. I am jealous of this skill, because I cannot rotate my attention that way. If most people are an oscillating fan, my button is stuck in one position — STAY.

 

On a similar note, the BBC reports that multitasking too many tasks at once actually causes a drop in IQ. By talking to me while shooting Xbox baddies, my husband’s intelligence is shrinking. I KNEW IT!

 

Even Penelope Trunk insists that “multitasking is bad,” and she asks that we admit it and get on to learning better time management skills. Penelope is scary, so if my hubz isn’t going to listen to me, he should really take her advice. Otherwise he might have to find someone else to wash his undies.

 

*Side Note: Don’t order butter on your popcorn. Theater staff does not clean the butter-squirter-container. You are eating ages-old yellow plastic being passed off as yummy buttery goodness. Do not be fooled.