What’s Up Wenzday Point #1:
A Note of Clarification —
Found my Moxy. What a whore. You just wouldn’t even believe what that gurl has been up to. Thank goodness, we found her in the nick-of-time, and she is safe and sound, locked back into place. I won’t say the handcuffs will hold indefinitely, because she is a wily beast and manages to escape just when I start to get comfortable. And also, Lethargy keeps slipping her the key, because that asshole likes to sit on the throne and play dress-up as royalty. Lethargy is stupid, though, because we all know that as soon as no one is looking, that Lying Bitch Depression will move right in and take over the entire kingdom.
I should totally write a book around my moods as characterized herein. I find it interesting that Moxy and Depression are both females, while Lethargy is male. Just goes to show you that men are lazy a-holes even in my fucked up imagination.
Not you, my darling hubz! Of all the a-holes I know (which are many and sundry), you are the least lazy of the bunch. That may not have sounded like a compliment, but I assure you it was. TRUST.
What’s Up Wenzday Point #2:
My Happiness Project —
There is actually homework by Julien Smith this week. Let us rejoice!
But before I get into this week’s assignment, I feel like I should recap. I’ve been pretty shitty the last couple months, and the point of these exercises isn’t merely to check a box so I can feel good about marking something off a list (although that is a very nice byproduct). The point is to expand my mind beyond its current slump; to make conscious decisions; to take actionable steps; to intentionally push myself into forward motion; to choose to be happy. Going through the motions in a half-assed fashion isn’t doing me any favors. Forgive me while I do a quick recap to make sure I’m still on track.
Homework I: “explicitly make eye contact with people you don’t know.” I got this. Not a problem.
Homework II: “negotiate for something you are not allowed to negotiate for.”
Thought this wasn’t something I was good at until a recent phone call. I wanted to purchase some items over the phone from the Book Fair at my daughter’s school, since we were unable to attend in person.
The first lady I spoke with was very nice, but answered that she was unsure as to whether or not this was something they could do. Under normal circumstances I would have backed down and just let it go, then bitched about it later. Instead, I took a deep breath and explained that I was really hoping I could make the purchase, and that I hoped she would be able to find someone who would be able to assist me, since I was absolutely certain the PTO would not like to miss a sale. While I was extremely polite, I was also firm. And bless her heart, instead of reacting in a bitchy fashion, she transferred me to another, more seasoned, PTO assistant who was more than happy to take my money over the phone. The school got the sale, my daughter got her books, and I got some much needed practice in respectful negotiation. I’d call that a WIN.
Homework III: “plant a seed of doubt in someone who needs it.”
I have to confess. I don’t really know anyone I would be comfortable enough to speak to in such a manner. And YEAH, I know in Julien’s example he planted this seed in the mind of someone he hardly knew – a waitress, if I recall correctly – but I don’t really go out anywhere except for the local bakery, which is a family owned establishment employing teens and stay-at-home-moms who live in the area. Not exactly a classy move for me to suggest, “Aren’t you tired of your small town existence?”
I recognize that this is kind of a “pay it forward” move, but I just can’t do it. I’m sorry. Call it a fail, if you must, but I’m okay with that. I’m barely getting my own shit together. I would not feel right suggesting that my local waitress might want to get HER shit together because this life isn’t “good enough” for her. I’m just not understanding the underlying principle expected of me on this one. I’m missing the point. So I am skipping it and shall say no more of it henceforth.
Homework IV: “connect with at least one person who should still be in your life, but isn’t.”
I recently sent handwritten cards to a couple of long term pals whom I have not seen much in recent years. This is a great reminder that I need to follow up and email invitations to get together soon. Pardon me a moment while I jot this on the “contact” portion of my to-do list. {DONE}
Homework V: “emulate someone who is more confident than you are.”
Not necessary, because my confidence isn’t really lacking. I know I’m good at the shit I’m good at. I’m well aware of my faults. I know what I need to work on, and where I want to concentrate my efforts. I’m content with who I am. And I have zero problem working a room or speaking in front of a crowd. Impromptu, even. Crowds aren’t my favorite things, but I can party with the best of them.
Okay, so now we’re all caught up. *whew* I feel ever so much better!
“Homework VI”: “face the wrong way inside a crowded elevator.”
OMG! I am laughing so hard over this one. Not because it’s silly – it’s not (well, okay, it kind of is) – but because I had to do this way back in my college Intro to Sociology class. And it was hilarious.
People are so effed up when it comes to elevator etiquette anyway. A-holes waiting to get ON the ride stand right in the doorway, so that people getting OFF the ride crash into them. Then the a-holes have to back up to let everyone disembark. It’s a total goat-screw. Finally, all the a-holes get on the ride, and everyone has to squish together because — HOLY SHIT THE ELEVATOR WILL NEVER COME BACK DOWN EVER AGAIN AND THIS IS YOUR OWN CHANCE TO RIDE IT SO YOU CAN’T POSSIBLY WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE. It’s like a complete emergency or something. I get claustrophobic, plus I need exercise anyway, so normally I skip that mess just take the stairs. When walking to class with other people, they get SUPER weirded-out when I announce, “Oh, I don’t take elevators. I’ll meet you upstairs.”
But okay. So I rode the elevator, which was strange enough for me anyway, and faced backwards. You’d have thought I brought my pet rhino on board and ordered tequila shots for it. Eyeballs were huge with fear. Brows were wrinkled in confusion. Mouths were puckered in distaste. And OH, how I laughed. Because Jesus, you guys. Trained motherfucking monkeys, the whole lot.
Now this was back in 2005. A lot has changed since then. Call me quacky (you wouldn’t be the first), but there is no fucking way I’m going to ON PURPOSE tick off a bunch of cranky elevator clowns. You never know who is a Christian NRA member packing heat, ready to shoot me for the sin of riding the elevator incorrectly (Check out my post “Gun Control — Can You Hear Me Now?” for more on my views about guns). Nuh-uh. Nah, man. Funk dat. Peace out.
What’s Up Wenzday Point #3:
Goal / Dream / Target / Plan Assessment —
1. Attend a writing critique group every month: Next meeting is Thu. 03/07.
And I shall attend. Since I missed last month, I am very keen on being there this month. My grasp on my Moxy is tentative at best, but I’m getting punchy from being homebound all of Fucking February. I will own this gathering.
2. *Attend a book club meeting every month: Next meeting is Sun. 03/10.*
We will discuss THE VIRGINIAN by Owen Wister. Whether I’ve read it or not. Which I haven’t. And do not plan to. Ever. But I do have a copy of it in my living room, which I shall take with me, so that I seem prepared and whatnot. Mostly I just want to say grownup words to other grownups. Even if those grownups are yucky. This month, these days, I’m just not picky. Next month might be a different matter, but we’ll jump off that bridge when we try to cross it.
There is also a Science book club meeting being held Sun. 03/17. They will be discussing THE SWERVE: HOW THE WORLD BECAME MODERN by Stephen Greenblatt. I attended a few meeting with this group a couple years ago but never went back because many of the attendees are what I like to call Angry Atheists. Now, I am not a religious person, and I will make fun of Baptists like MAD because those bitches be cray-cray. But Angry Atheists are just like evangelical Baptists in their obnoxious enthusiasm. The only thing the Angry Atheists lack is a strong Mary Kay presence. Also, the women do not have big hair, which I find a plus. I’m ready to give them another try.
3. *Add another online job.*
Well, I finally did it. I applied for a couple online writing jobs. I know, you’re about to faint. My apologies. Please don’t die.
4. Lose 50 pounds in 2013 /// Lose 3-5 pounds each month /// Walk 2+ miles daily.
The good news: I’m back on a daily walking kick, and feel great about it.
The bad news: Right before I went on the aforementioned kick, I ate boxes (yes, plural) of Girl Scout cookies. Fuck off, okay? There were missing-moxy issues, REMEMBER?
5. *Minimize, organize, and clean the crap in my office.*
Nowhere near done, but it still looks better than it did. And also? My fabulous hubz brought me some office things that will help me get my “Mission Control Center” set up. You know what I mean — that place where you hang a giant calendar on the wall because it’s the only way everyone in the family can keep up with each other, and then you put a big bulletin board next to it so you can pin announcements and shit to it, and finally you throw a white board into the mix so you can jot down notes, like for example, “Son, if you don’t clean out the microwave I am going to throw you through a window!” Or, for example, “Hubz, if you don’t scoop out the litter box, I am going to punch you in the wiener!” Or, for example, “Little Girl, if you don’t put away your Skylanders, I am going to kick you in the nose!” That kind of thing. Perfectly normal.
Still plodding along. Because I was doing all the other stuff. I can’t do ALL the things, okay?
7. Complete WIP by Sep. 30 /// add 6K new words by Thursday, Feb. 28.
I’m pretty sure I am WAY short of my monthly goal, but my word count has still risen to new heights, so I’m not complaining. SOMETHING is 100% times better than NOTHING. That is more of the good maths for you right there.
8. Ride an elephant. For realz.
If this is my stretch goal… well… I don’t even know what to say about it. Because I’m scratching my noggin and asking myself, “Andi-Roo, WTF were you thinking when you added this ludicrous fantasy to your list of goals? MORON.” But, you know. Whatever.
What’s Up Wenzday Point #4:
Bonus Material — What I’ve been reading!
Finished JOHN DIES AT THE END by David Wong (aka Jason Pargin). Sequel is called THIS BOOK IS FULL OF SPIDERS: SERIOUSLY DUDE, DON’T TOUCH IT, and you can bet your ass I already have it on request from my local library and it cannot possibly arrive quickly enough to suit my need for it. This is some good shit.
Now I’m reading a YA novel called SHADOW AND BONE by Leigh Bardugo. This was suggested to me by a bloggy friend, and I am really enjoying it thus far. Kind of a gothic / fantasy / Russian-ish feel to it, without being all epic and meaty. As in, it doesn’t take me two weeks to finish one freaking page, unlike SOME books (I’m looking at you, LOTR and GOT).
On my iPod I just finished SHADOWS IN FLIGHT by Orson Scott Card. This is the newest addition to the series which started with ENDER’S GAME, and if you haven’t read that one then you are doing yourself a grave disservice, my friend. My hubz and adult son both loved it as much as I do. So you should just trust me. Also? I love-love-love the people (yes, multiple) who read Card’s books; they are a great team, and good readers can make all the difference.
I just started listening to a murder-mystery called GONE GIRL by Gillian Flynn. The story is pretty great thus far, but I’m not thoroughly enjoying one of the readers; his voice is too… weird, or high-pitched-ish, or just *off* somehow, and I don’t like it. I’m getting used to overlooking it, but it was sure a distraction when the story started playing. See what I mean about readers making all the difference?
And that’s what’s up Wenzday.
Hope your Hump-Day is full of hump-ish good times.
I’d love to hear what’s up with *YOUR* Wenzday.
Please tell me about your Happiness Project, how your Homework is coming along, and what books you have loved lately!