Once somebody whom we shall call “Frenemy” said to me, “You can’t POSSIBLY have such strong feelings on ALL these topics!”
Frenemy was wrong. I do, indeed, have strong feelings on “ALL these topics.” It’s both a blessing and a curse.
If you can’t go on-n-on about the GOOD topics, you certainly won’t be able to talk up dirt and shit. Be that person who will NEVER. SHUT. UP.
See, here’s how it works. Everything fascinates me. Everything. I have an opinion on even the most mundane of subjects. Even dirt. Don’t believe me?
Here are my thoughts on dirt:
It’s not as bad and grody as you think it is. There are even studies which show that dirt is actually responsible for some really great things, such as vaccinating microbes as well as children’s socialization. End of story — without explaining why (an entire blog topic all its own, and perhaps one I will pursue someday), let it be known that we should all celebrate mud pies. And also? You are an asshat if you don’t let your kids make them. The end.
See? I have feelings about DIRT. Someone who gives a shit about DIRT most certainly can be counted on to have concerns about other topics ranging from boring to essential. So yeah. I care a whole lot, about a whole lot of topics.
This creates all sorts of chapters in my life.
Chapter 1 — On caring too much about shit that doesn’t matter.
Chapter 2 — On why everything, even shit, matters.
Chapter 3 — On why people suck for not realizing how much shit matters.
Chapter 4 — On why it is depressing to be the only one who realizes how much shit matters.
Chapter 5 — On being angry at people for not caring about shit.
Chapter 6 — On wishing I didn’t care so much about shit.
Chapter 7 — On defending my shitty feelings to people who don’t get shit.
Chapter 8 — On finally accepting that shit is shit and people are people.
Chapter 9 — On learning to love shit and people.
Chapter 10 — On pursuing shit in spite of people who don’t give a shit.
Ten chapters! That’s like a whole book and whatnot. So, Frenemy? You can go to hell for not believing me. And also? I fucking told you so. I care about a fuck-ton of shit. AND HOW!
Only someone who is slightly bent can care so much about dirt and shit.
Caring greatly about a large variety of shit provides me with a lot of venom and enthusiasm for a large variety of topics. Being wordy allows me to go on-n-on about shit forever-n-ever, amen. I can open my ten-chapter book of the thought process regarding tons of shit to any random page and talk about it like it’s important. That’s because, to me, it *IS* important. All of it. It all matters.
Only those who embrace a bent state of mind can pursue subjects like dirt and shit as though they matter.
People will call you out on shit. They will remember what you said better than you will. So don’t lie. And if it’s clear that you changed your mind on a topic, come clean. Call it growth, which is awesome stuff because it means you aren’t a static bore.
You must have a sense of humor. Dirt and shit are not funny, okay? Not unless you (not unlike Captain Picard) “Make it so.” And even then, it’s questionable at best.
And if you aren’t funny, just pretend you are. Many people think I am the opposite of funny. That’s fine by me. When I re-read some of the crap I’ve written, I laugh so hard it makes me throw my head back and snort. I think I’m funny, and that’s good enough for me. Here are the total number of fucks I give as to whether or not others think I’m funny:
Be forward-thinking. Don’t depend upon your own pea brain. It will fail you, particularly when you need it most.
“An ideas list is a simple and helpful tool
that can be used for various aspects of your writing career.
I tend to keep two runnings lists:
one for blog post ideas
and one for WIP ideas.
The format, how often you use it,
and how often you refer back to it is up to you,
but the only rule is this:
Don’t censor yourself.
You see, the ideas list is a sort of never-ending brainstorming sheet.”
Don’t take credit for shit that ain’t your own. And even if you thought of it on your own, if it’s a popular idea, give credit elsewhere. It’s the nice thing to do, and makes you come off as slightly less bitchy.
Readers contributed suggestions in the comments section, all of which are handy. Write in a journal kept next to your bed for those night-time epiphanies. Call yourself and leave a voicemail.
Or follow my example — jot ideas in the notepad section of your iPod (or whatever smart device you carry around with you at all times). Currently there are only like four ideas saved there, but that’s because my ipod is only my secondary method, for use when I’m not at home, or when I’m too lazy to walk over to my laptop.
My prime method of recording blog or writing ideas is to open a new Word doc, title it with the topic on my mind, and jot down any relevant thoughts. I save it to my desktop so it’s available for quick access to add links as I read related material (like Ava’s blog post cited herein).
Not everyone gets it. Most people don’t. People like Frenemy won’t believe that you really are just cray-cray. You will be accused of number-mongering, of pursuing controversy for the sake of gaining followers, of being overly negative, of being an attention whore. The people in this crowd are to be pitied, because they obviously lack the cray-cray gene which allows you to be the awesome way you are.
There is something to be said for being awesome. I don’t know what that something is, but I’m sure it’s profound.
PS. I love you, Frenemy. I hope you take this in the spirit with which it was written. Which is to say, tongue stuck firmly in cheek, no hard feelings, etc. I think you’re really nice. And before you can call me out, lemme say it here first:
Yes — I am, indeed, a bitch. xoxo