I am starting to freak out about the 85^th Academy Awards!

You guys, there are 19 films nominated for the “important” categories. I’ve only actually seen 3 of those films (along with a handful of “unimportant” movies that I’ll talk about later). There are only 3 weeks between now and the 85^th Academy Awards. Somehow I have to watch 15 movies between now and Sunday, Feb. 24^th. I have news for you — I don’t think it’s going to happen.

 

Best Picture (I’ve only seen 1 out of 9: BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD)

Directing (I’ve only seen 1 out of 5: BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD)

Actor in a Leading Role (0 out of 5)

Actress in a Leading Role (I’ve only seen 1 out of 5: BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD)

Actor in a Supporting Role (0 out of 5)

Actress in a Supporting Role (0 out of 5)

Animated Film Feature (I’ve actually seen 2 out of 5: BRAVE and THE PIRATES!)

 

How is your own list coming along?

The following movies (listed alphabetically) have been nominated for Oscars in one or more of the above categories, along with the Writing categories which are, of course, my personal favorites:

 

1. 

   83rd Academy Awards Best Picture winnder – The King’s Speech

   AMOUR

2. ARGO — available at the Dollar Saver / — available on DVD Feb. 19
3. BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD — *hoorayz!* — I saw this one!
4. BRAVE — *hoorayz!* — I saw this one!
5. DJANGO UNCHAINED
6. FLIGHT — available on DVD Feb. 5
7. FRANKENWEENIE — available on DVD and/or via instant streaming
8. THE IMPOSSIBLE
9. LES MISERABLES
10. LIFE OF PI
11. LINCOLN
12. THE MASTER — available on DVD Feb. 26
13. MOONRISE KINGDOM — *hoorayz!* — I saw this one!
14. PARANORMAN — available on DVD and/or via instant streaming
15. THE PIRATES! BAND OF MISFITS — *hoorayz!* — I saw this one!
16. THE SESSIONS — available on DVD Feb. 12
17. SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK
18. WRECK-IT RALPH — available at the Dollar Saver
19. ZERO DARK THIRTY

As you can see, out of 19 films, I have only watched 4. And the titles with no friendly notes? They aren’t out on DVD yet; I have to watch them on the big screen, which is like dressing my wallet up as a hooker and marching her into a brothel and begging grody people to rape it. That is bullshit right there. I’ma have to step up my game, or else the 85^th Academy Awards are going to blow right by me and my guesses will all be based on whatever Twitter can come up with.

 

So, I should take a moment and discuss (read: tear apart) the movies I have seen thus far. After all, isn’t that what the 85^th Academy Awards is really all about?

 

MOONRISE KINGDOM:

Well, I’m an idiot, because I was all convinced this one was going up for Best Picture and/or Directing. Nope. So then I was like, “Oh, must be actor or actress or something like that.” Nope.

 

Finally, I double-checked the official list. Turns out it is the only film in one of the written categories which does not already appear elsewhere in one of the “important” categories. I can’t fucking believe this shit. Best god damn movie I’ve seen since THE ROYAL TENANBAUMS, and it’s only going up for Original Screenplay.

 

This film was robbed, okay? Seriously. It’s quirky and offbeat and fun and artistic and I just can’t even say enough how much I loved it. The music accentuated every move, and there wasn’t a wasted blade of grass to be seen in any frame. A loaded cast, great script, and excellent tongue-in-cheek humor made this a movie my hubz and I will be purchasing so we can watch it again soon.

 

MOONRISE KINGDOM is nominated for Best Writing (Original Screenplay).

 

THE PIRATES! BAND OF MISFITS:

I didn’t really expect to like this one, because it’s all clay-mation / Walter-n-Grommet style animation, which I typically can’t stand. However, this movie had me cracking up. My 8-year-old daughter thought it was “meh” (her word), but I’m betting other kids would enjoy it as much as I did. I think she was just thrown off by the style of art, as she isn’t familiar with clay-mation stuffs. And her opinion isn’t exactly trustworthy: She refuses to see FRANKENWEENIE on the grounds that it is in black-n-white.

 

O.o

 

I know, right?

 

THE PIRATES! BAND OF MISFITS is nominated for Best Animated Feature.

 

Other movies nominated for 85^th Academy Awards:

Here are the other movies I’ve seen thus far which do NOT appear on the list of “Most important nominations”. I watched these relatively unimportant movies because they were all available as rentals and/or instant streaming, which made them easy and obvious choices. You should note that I finally sat down and watched a documentary! *woot*

 

5 BROKEN CAMERAS:

This was a really well-done and interesting documentary that I expected to snooze through, but ended up paying attention to. It takes place in the village of Bil’in, where folks who live on the land by picking olives and whatnot are slowly pushed back as Israeli settlers start to build homes. The people of the village are all like, “Say, WHAT?” because all of a sudden this huge fence pops up in their backyard. They get pretty ticked off, but instead of getting violent, the villagers begin a peaceful resistance in hopes of gaining back that which was taken. The film takes place over the course of the life span of (you guessed it!) five different cameras, each of which captures a specific timer period before getting destroyed by gun fire or bombs or whatever.

 

I came out of this movie quite enlightened, because while I don’t know a lot of Middle East stuff (it’s all a mixed up shambles of war and oil and land, to my dumb-dumb brain), I’d already been under the impression that, PERIOD-THE-END, Israel is good and anyone who is against them is bad. I mean, that’s what Churchy people kind of intimate, amirite? Turns out, they are assholes just like everyone else. God’s chosen people like to kill innocent children and women, and steal things that don’t belong to them, and act in a cruel nature toward their fellow man, just like every other jack-hole on the planet. Now I’m all dismayed, because I had those guys up on some imaginary pedestal, and they just crashed down. As usual, people suck. Go figure.

 

5 BROKEN CAMERAS is nominated for Best Documentary Feature.

 

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN:

This movie had some good stuff in it that was drowned out by all the not good stuff. Glad to have seen it for the interesting story line, but won’t be buying it or watching it again in this life time. We all agreed, it was definitely “meh” at best. Although some of the effects were fucking cool! The ravens… yeah, I’d watch those scenes again.

 

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN is nominated for Best Costume Design and Best Visual Effects, both of which I can see.

 

So that’s where we’re at, people.

I don’t want this to be a contest or anything, except that I really do because I hope I’ve seen more movies than you have. And I know I haven’t, because everyone has now seen LINCOLN. So fuck you for that.

 

These are the kinds of things that keep me up at night.