King James

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I went through my email folders recently to throw out old shit that no longer needs to be cluttering up my account, and found some really great material from over the past krillion years.

 

king james bible

One such item was a message about King James which I found completely hilarious — as well as enlightening, since I’m not a big history buff.

 

As in, when history or geography came up as categories in the game Trivial Pursuit, my family automatically gave me a handicap. This usually meant I had three guesses, or lots of hints, or sometimes even a mix of both. While my knowledge and interest have both improved drastically with age — particularly since marrying a political science major — I’m still not an expert on Old World goings on.

 

That, along with the current religious atmosphere — rife with tension and misunderstands — explains why I held onto this particular email for so long.

 

I have copied it below for your edification. Laugh along with me, and while you’re at it, learn a thing or two about King Flaming James, the Bible, and why fundamental Christians are all kinds of FUBAR.*

 

 

gay rights car magnet

“I have been studying the kings and queens of England (for fun; I know I am a total nerd, but I just find it all so fascinating…) and guess what I came across in several places? 

 

King James was a flaming homosexual! 

 

Dude was more rainbowy than rainbows!  He was very openly gay. 

 

Sir Walter Raleigh even joked about it, saying that “King Elizabeth had been succeeded by Queen James.”  !!! 

 

And do you know what he did with the young men he fell in love with and bedded?  He raised some of them to positions of great power (made them dukes or earls or whatnot) no matter what their backgrounds were. 

 

Some historians claim that he murdered some of his lovers. 

 

And yet… his bible is “the best” version because… WHY? 

 

 

king james

People glorify and hail a Bible commissioned not only by a gay man, but also a man who greatly abused his power for his own selfish purposes. 

 

Say huh???

 

One of the “explanations” I have gotten from folks for believing so deeply in the King James Version is that they believe that he (and his scholars, I suppose) were led by God to write the King James Version and that it all came from the Holy Spirit and so was essentially commissioned by God Himself. 

 

To that, I rebut with the following:

 

I came across some information that said that the “new translation” of the Bible that King James had commissioned was actually NOT the first version of the Bible (or parts of it) to be written in English and a great many parts of this “translation” were just stolen or borrowed (for lack of better terms) from these previously translated portions from the 1500s.  

 

There were a select group of scholars who chose which bits and pieces they felt were the most relevant / important passages to be included. 

 

Not only that, but a lot of the Biblical texts that had been translated in the 1500s (which were regurgitated into King James’ version) were not translated accurately at all and contained several mistakes, so these mistakes were transferred over to King James’ version, unchecked… not to mention the nice bit of mistakes his scholars added with their own hands. 

 

If you ask me, the King James Version is probably the worst and scariest version to rely on!

 

Don’t get me wrong — I think the King James Version Bible has awesome historical value!  I love to read its language and get a sense of how people then spoke, wrote, and felt.  I think it’s an important document toward the history of Christianity. 

 

I just don’t get why people are so blind.  On purpose.  

 

Let me add the disclaimer that I don’t think the King James Version is bad or that it loses merit because King James was gay.  I just think it’s hysterically awesome that such an anti-homosexual crowd will fight you tooth and nail on how infallible the King James Version Bible is.”

 

So there you have it. Your Sunday morning Bible Study. You’re welcome.

 

* I wish I could claim to have written this myself. In the spirit of honesty, however, I cannot. I have not provided the contributor’s name for three reasons:

 

  1. I neglected to ask permission before publishing this piece.
  2. I was scared if I asked, the answer might be a most definitive “NO”, and I like to operate under the motto “Ask forgiveness, not permission.”
  3. Even if I DID gain permission to print this piece, I’m fairly certain the contributor of this story would not want to claim authorship. However, if I am mistaken, that person is welcome to either announce such in the comments, or contact me privately, and either way I will edit this to include the appropriate attribution.

Comments

comments

  • Wallace1770Mary

    I don’t quite understand the appeal of the King James version of the Bible. Maybe because I’m Catholic and a Scot. Mary, Queen of Scots was Mother to James the VI, Nephew of Elizabeth I, who had Mary, Queen of Scots executed, I guess for treason. I think they were cousins. Mary was an idiot who slept around.

    Elizabeth I was daughter of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, and last monarch of the house of Tudor. James VI of Scotland and I of England and Ireland [(see "Disambiguation") I included this because this is what WIKI told me. I used "Disambiguation" in my blog title today, which I wrote yesterday; I just looked this up in WIKI. Creepy, no?] was made King of Scotland at age 13 months, when his mother Mary was compelled to abdicate in his favor by Elizabeth I. She was Catholic, but Elizabeth was Protestant, Anglican, so James was raised in that faith.

    Long story short, when Elizabeth died without ever having married and without issue, he succeeded to the throne(s) of England and Ireland, retaining the Scottish throne as well. Yes, he had all of these Jacobean influences and help writing the version that stands today, errata and all.

    Being Catholic, we don’t use the King James version, there is a Douay version. Being Scottish, we wouldn’t use a version written by an English. Being Jesuitically trained, we certainly don’t do Anglican. That is Catholic Ultra-Lite. All the Ritual, but None of the Pain. Also, we don’t do Verse. We pay to have it read. Also, I prefer my Mass in Latin. After Vatican II I thought we had John Denver at Mass. What in hell was this? Sharing and Caring? Kumbaya? Where’s my incense? Where’s my bishop and his post-hole digger hat? This is not what my God does. If I wanted a hootenanny, I’d go to the bonfire.

  • http://ryzeonline.com/ JasonFonceca

    I feel a key thing that people miss, is that god, life, the universe is speaking timeless wisdom to us over and over and over in millions of forms.

    It’s personal, it’s individual, and its generally ‘unexplainable’ by any book or art — which in the end will only manage to capture a PIECE of a universe so large and mystical and abundant… it couldn’t do anything else. :)

    This means that any single book, or single translation, will only ever be a ‘help’ to a more personal guidance + signs for you.

    • Wallace1770Mary

      I couldn’t agree more Jason. My issue with this, and I pray to Zeus, God, my cat, or whoever is in charge, that rather than parse the Bible to the point of ridiculousness, just to prove YOUR point, which then abrogates the original point Scripture is really trying to drive home, the NEW Testament in particular,should really be applied in the spirit of love. It is after all mostly the story of Jesus Christ.

      I agree with everything you say Jason. It absolutely kills me that people have WARS over this issue. If, as we know, the universe is illimitless and without beginning and end, shouldn’t it be big enough to accept every faith. What is going to happen when the inevitable occurs and PTZGORLX shows up with his God, JQRDK? How is that going to fit into the xenophobic earth-centric zeitgeist?

      • http://twitter.com/ryzeonline Jason Fonceca

        Yes!

        I love the message of the new testament :D

        And yes, the wars feel a bit silly, but then, isn’t the universe big enough to accept war?

        HHAhahahaah LOVE the xenophobic earth example lol . yes.

        P.S. Love that you used abrogate in a comment.