August AtoZ: Global Warming

It’s funny, I went outside this evening and there is so much lightning going on that the sky is brighter than my kitchen. Something wrong with that. My kitchen lighting, that is, not the lightning. I really need to replace some bulbs. And now, moving on from the topic of lightning, we segue nicely right into the topic of Global Warming.

Every time it rains at an odd time of year, my parents snort and shoot out something along the lines of, “So much for Global Warming!”

If it snows out of season, they laugh and say, “Must be Global Warming, hardee-har-har!”

Because, you know, hardcore church-goers are not allowed to think that (a) Global Warming exists, or (b) weather going wonky the opposite direction of warming has anything to do with Global Warming. Clearly a lack of understanding of the term, much as those who fight the idea of having evolved from monkeys have a clear lack of understanding of the term Evolution. Science remains this mystical, voodoo-ridden scary-ness among the Bible-driven crowd.

I really must interrupt myself here to exclaim, “What the fuck do you even mean by living according to ‘Biblical standards?’” Because listen. Some of those dudes had multiple wives, and they usually purchased them with goats or foreskins or gold or some other groovy form of currency. I don’t know a single Christian of any branch who thinks this is cool. So, following my exclamation, my question is this: “To which Biblical standards are you choosing to adhere, and what process of elimination are you using in making those decisions?” Okay, two questions. My bad.

But back to Global Warming. I’ve heard it said, mostly by people like my misinformed parents, that scientists are still in disagreement over whether or not we humans are truly doing any damage to the planet. That, of course, is a load of ca-ca. Scientists are not in disagreement over the existence of Global Warming in any way whatsoever. They are all in AGREEMENT, across the Global (hardee-har-har) that Global Warming is not only real, but is also our fault, and is something over which to be seriously freaked out.

Here’s a snippet from that loved and well-trusted icon of information, Wikipedia, about Global Warming:

Global warming is the rise in the average temperature of Earth’s atmosphere and oceans since the late 19th century, and its projected continuation. Since the early 20th century, Earth’s mean surface temperature has increased by about 0.8°C (1.4°F), with about two-thirds of the increase occurring since 1980.Warming of the climate system is unequivocal, and scientists are more than 90% certain that it is primarily caused by increasing concentrations of greenhouse gases produced by human activities such as the burning of fossil fuels and deforestation. THESE FINDINGS ARE RECOGNIZED BY THE NATIONAL SCIENCE ACADEMIES OF ALL MAJOR INDUSTRIALIZED NATIONS (emphasis mine).

*BAM*

Still not convinced that Global Warming is as HAPPENING as the most current companion on Doctor Who?

The EPA has a lot to say about Climate Change due to Global Warming, but no one on either side of the debate much likes those guys, so I won’t both quoting them here beyond leaving a link for you to peruse at your discretion. Poor bastards.

The Great Lakes are shrinking, and expected to drop some serious water level in the next 50-100 years. Check out this chart:

That is a fuck-ton of Kool-Aid gone bye-bye.

Of course, if you are already old, you probably don’t care much, because you’ll be dead by then anyway. So why do anything to make changes that will only positively impact, say, YOUR CHILDREN? Yeah, I hear you. Why bother? Kids suck anyway.

Of course there is always the Flying Spaghetti Monster theory…

[[[ My tongue was in my cheek just then. ]]]

{{{ I have to clarify that because some ass-clowns don’t get my sarcasm

and they like to be all argue-ish at me. }}}

Want to see more of the fuckery caused by Global Warming? According to bird watch studies (because “ornithology” might be too big a word for some people) by PLOS ONE (a non-profit, international, peer-reviewed publication which welcomes reports on primary research from any scientific discipline):

Across all species and geographic locations, species shifted arrival dates 0.8 days earlier for every °C of warming of spring temperature, but it was common for some species in some locations to shift as much as 3–6 days earlier per °C.

To summarize: Them birds be frelled, fracked, and all kinds of fucked.

And for all living things in general? According to the World Wildlife Fund for Nature (WWF):

scientists have estimated that most species on this planet (including plants) will have to “move” faster than 1,000 metres per year if they are to keep within the climate zone which they need for survival.

Many species will not be able to redistribute themselves fast enough to keep up with the coming changes.

You know what? I can see how ignorance is definitely bliss. I think I’m going to NOT believe in Global Warming, too. That way I won’t have to think ask myself questions about what kind of massive changes need to be made. It’s so much easier to ignore the problem and hope it goes away. And if I didn’t pass crops on my way into town, it might be easy to convince myself that the problems have nothing to do with me and mine. Unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of enforced blind-eye. I get to see the impact of Global Warming right outside my windows almost every day.

AtoZ August 2012 — A Month of Controversy

Throughout the money of August 2012, my dear friend Aaron @dadblunders and I are doing a dry run of the Blogging From A to Z Challenge. This past April was my first official participation in such activity, and I had no idea what I was doing. No theme, no forethought, purely spur-of-the-moment. This time around, I have a plan. Join the fun!

For this event, I am engaging in a month of controversy. Consider yourself forewarned.

Comments

comments