Dear Republicans,

You win. I lose. You’re pretty. I’m ugly. Your dick is vast and huge. My vag is dry and leathery. You are the smartest group of people on the planet. I am so stupid as to be a waste of space.

You have ESP and can imagine what it’s like to be any race ever. My experience with other races means nothing. I wither away to mere dust in your presence. I should just go ahead and die now.

Dear Republicans,

I was kidding just then.

I don’t really think you’re all that great. Honestly, I think you’re pretty mean and hurtful. It’s just that you attacked me and asked me pointed questions in a bullying fashion, and capitulation seems to be the only answer you will respect.

You don’t seek to convince me you’re right, or that you know best. There is no persuasion or debate in your arguments. You don’t try to get me to agree with you, or to see your perspective.

You DO, however, seek to belittle me and anything I stand for. That’s a bit asshole-ish. Ask anybody. Nobody likes to be cornered.

And really… Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

Dear Republicans,

You don’t fight fair. You act like a toddler who hasn’t yet been taught the rules of engagement. You’re rude, crass, and unkind. You walk up to someone’s sign and kick it over without even stopping to consider what that sign means to its owner. Why? Because you don’t give a shit. And that’s the bottom line.

But there’s a problem, Dear Republicans.

You really NEED to give a shit.

It was we, the people;

not we, the white male citizens;

nor yet we, the male citizens;

but we, the whole people, who formed the Union….

Men, their rights and nothing more;

women, their rights and nothing less.

~Susan B. Anthony

You may have your own women in check, Dear Republicans, but what about the rest of us? We are not so easily cowed. You call us morons,

@theworld4realz “Helpful hint – Don’t break laws.” GAAAHH! I HATE REPUBLICANS!!!Moron.

— Ter (@tDubsCorner) October 15, 2012

or childlike,

@theworld4realz tht said he didnt raise taxes on the middle class but did,, welcome to the real world,,hey did mommy wash yer clothes yet? — Andy Cooke (@duitf2) October 15, 2012

or whiny crybabies. You tell us to let you handle “the grownup stuff”. You ask us if our mommies have changed our diapers. You tell us to get back into the kitchen where we belong.

Do you really think that behavior is going to stand?

I myself have never been able to find out

precisely what feminism is:

I only know that people call me a feminist

whenever I express sentiments

that differentiate me from a door mat or a prostitute.

~Rebecca West

Dear Republicans,

You are going to reap what you have sown. Your daughters will continue running away and joining the side of enlightenment, education, and opportunity. One by one, they will come. You will tell them they are small one too many times, and they will trickle our way.

Feminism is the radical notion

that women are people.

~Cheris Kramarae and Paula Treichler

And you know what, Dear Republicans? We will accept them. We will teach them better ways. We will ensure each of them knows they are worthy of equality.

So go ahead. Knock down our signs, act like the bullies that you have proven yourselves to be, engage in name calling and attack-ish behavior. Keep telling your women to get back in the kitchen. Go ahead and smack ‘em around a bit, too. Just keep it up.

You’re winning our fight for us.

The more you tighten your grip, the more they will slip through your fingers.

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