Child abuse — Are you prepared to follow through?

Posted on by

icon

Remember That Guy on the Beach?The Beach

One of my very favorite movies is The Beach, starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

On this perfect island, an injured member of the party tribe is moved outside the camp so that his moans of pain will no longer be a killjoy for the rest of the party. Calling in a doctor would mean the island would no longer be their secret sanctuary, so instead they place the uncomfortable issue out of sight, where hopefully he will likewise slide out of mind.

Put plainly, they dragged his bloody body into the woods and said,

“Yikes, sucks to be you… anywayz… peace out, yo!”

This is pretty much the perfect image that comes to mind when I consider the hype behind those 1-800- “report child abuse” hotlines set up throughout the U.S.

child abuse(1-800-4-A-Child)

If you suspect a kid is being knocked around, you are encouraged to be a good citizen and make that call, after which the situation can slide out of mind — because after all, you’ve done what you can and the rest is in someone else’s hands.

“Yikes, sucks to be you… anywayz… peace out, yo!”

Unfortunately, the truth is that the 1-800- “whatever” hotline can’t do anything to help that poor child. A police report might be made, but usually that comes in the form of, “Hey, we got this call… Are you hitting little Joey? No? Okay then, have a good night.” And that’s it.

“Yikes, sucks to be you… anywayz… peace out, yo!”

Or in the case of one child I happen to know personally, the conversation went like this: “Hey kid, it’s perfectly legal for your mom to knock you upside the head, so quit calling 911… oh and the next time you run away, you’re going straight to juvy!”

This isn’t even as good as,

“Yikes, sucks to be you… anywayz… peace out, yo!”

If the case gets pushed far enough by an interested party, Children’s Services might get involved… but only barely. Because here in Ohio, they really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really A LOT (X times X) INFINITY want the child to stay with the parent.

Even if the child is in danger. Even if it’s obviously a terrible idea. Even if a counselor foisted upon the child in question says, “Hey guys, let’s not do that maybe, huh?”

Again, not even as good as,

“Yikes, sucks to be you… anywayz… peace out, yo!”

But let’s go back to running away for a minute. Did you know, here in Ohio, a teen must GET PERMISSION FROM THE GUILTY PARENT in order to stay at the local run-away shelter for teens? I kid you not.

Translation:

“Hey Mom, do you mind if I go spend the night at the shelter instead of sleeping here where you slap me all over the face and shove me backwards over a chair when I forget to tie my shoelaces?”

I’m just guessing here, but I’m pretty sure the answer to that request is a definitive “NO” followed by sharp kick to the kidneys just to press the point home on a part of the body that won’t show a bruise the next day. But I could be wrong…

My point here is this:

If you are going to make that 1-800- “I wanna be a good citizen” phone call, ask yourself a few questions first:

1. How involved are you willing to get in a child abuse case?

If the answer to this question is, “Not much beyond making this call,” then do the kid a favor and just skip it, cuz you’re only going to make it worse. Seriously. I’ve seen it happen. It isn’t pretty. Go all in, or go away.

2. Are you prepared to engage in a seriously expensive and drawn out court battle?

If the answer to this question is, “Um, nooooo…,” … see answer above.

3. When you see that the kid is still in the same situation a few months after your phoned-in report, only it looks like it’s gotten even more intense… are you emotionally strong enough to deal with the fact that you made it worse instead of better?

These are not questions I pulled out of my ass. I lived this. Here were my answers:

1. I’m willing to get as involved as it takes to get the kid out of that home, even if it means putting myself at legal risk, because if the laws aren’t helping save a person from child abuse, then the laws no longer apply. Period. One of my Personal Rules of Engagement summarizes my feelings on ALL laws:

“I will accept the rules that you feel necessary to your freedom. I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.”

~Robert A. Heinlein

2. I am prepared to go to court with whatever resources I can summon to take down the wicked witch or evil dastard. If that means burning all bridges, calling in all favors, abusing friendships, borrowing from family and friends, or making a huge online campaign about child abuse… well then that’s what I’ll do. Nobody gets beat up on my watch, most especially children.

3. Not applicable, because when I made the call, it wasn’t just to put the injured islander out of mind. It was to actively save a life. I won’t have to live with a feeble, halfhearted attempt to keep my soul clean. I know I did what was right, to the best of my abilities, all the way down the line.

(And I won the case in court too, but that’s a different, very awesome story.)

Bottom line:

Don’t report child abuse unless you are seriously interested in following up to ensure the situation gets handled properly. And if you aren’t the kind of person to follow up… well that pretty much makes you a worthless piece of shit in my book.

But don’t take it personally,

because I find that most people fit this category.

I beg of you — prove me wrong.

Get uber-involved and scare the pants off some spineless clown that thinks it’s okay to beat on kids. Create a vigilante if you have to. Fight the laws that allow this kind of tragedy to happen in the year 2012. Help end child abuse!

Go out there and save a kid’s life.

Comments

comments

  • http://www.amberrisme.com Amberr Meadows

    You know, we fight for rights for children, but there is still so much going on. I hope everyone who abuses a child gets karma served directly. People can do better than this. 

    • http://www.theworld4realz.com/ Andi-Roo

      I agree, Amberr. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that what comes around goes around. 

  • http://intricateknot.blogspot.com/ Intricate Knot

    You are 100% right on, Andi-Roo. I’m passing this on in the hopes that it will touch lives. 

    • http://www.theworld4realz.com/ Andi-Roo

      Thank you so much, IK! Appreciate your comment muchas!!! :)

  • Wallace1770Mary

    Well, it seems we are of like mind. The fact that you will tolerate the law is long as it allows you to protect an innocent, defenseless creature and then break it when it doesn’t sounds like something I would do. Not, that I’ve had the opportunity to, yet. It’s really stunning to me how the justice system(s) in whatever state we may reside, appear to do nothing more than cover their respective ass(es.) Florida’s horrible that way. My mother was a child welfare social worker up until her retirement in Pasco County. She was a tough lady, but she used to come home crying because of all the legal bullshit. She knew some of the kids she was trying to protect were being endangered by the goddamned system, because the judges would leave them with their psychopathic parents. For a long time I thought it was just because Florida was a southern state. No, it’s just one of fifty states. Fine, fine writing, Andi. Thanks.

    • http://www.theworld4realz.com/ Andi-Roo

      Mary, your mom sounds like a wonderful person. Wish I could have met her! I want to work toward changing the laws here in Ohio, but it’s so overwhelming, I don’t even know where to begin. I’m thinking an attorney who serves as a child advocate will be our first step. When we are in a better position to pursue action, we have decided this issue will be the cause we take to heart.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000254534840 Mary Wallace

        Well, you can count on me for support in any way you can use me, just don’t hurt me. :) Seriously, if you need research, documentation, I’m your gal Friday. If you need legwork for comparative laws down here, I’ve been in the Florida system via DCF (domestic abuse, story for another day) and even if it’s just to ask “what if” as brainstorm, it stays with me, but I have time, heart and intellect, Ms. Andi-Roo. I can think of nothing worthier. Goes without saying, gratis. xoxo <3 For my mom and your kiddies.

  • http://twitter.com/bubblegumcari Cari Wegner

     Whoa!  Andi, while I appreciate your vigilance, this might be dangerous advice.  Those 800 numbers are not just confessionals, they serve a purpose.  Perhaps in Ohio this might be different, we should make it clear THIS IS NOT THE CASE IN ALL STATES.  Now I will impart some advice because I lived it.  I grew up in a physically abusive home.  I ran away from home multiple times and was taken in by friends families.  I WAS forced to go back home, yes, that is true…but an anonymous friend called the 800 number and my sister and I were interviewed at school the next day and CPS was involved asap.  My parents never laid a hand on me after that.  I am thankful to the 800 number and the friend who didn’t just say, oh well they can’t do anything, screw it.  The one thing I cannot stand is people that think they won’t make a difference so they don’t even try.  Call, you could save a child some hurt.  Give them a voice. 

    • http://www.theworld4realz.com/ Andi-Roo

      I appreciate your comment here, because I wondered how it might be in other states. I’m relieved to know that where you grew up, the laws are more stringent. And I’m also sad to learn you were forced to endure such crap in your childhood! ((( hugs ))) The child we took in did sit through several interviews as well, but unfortunately her mind had been so twisted that she didn’t know the difference between right & wrong. So when asked how she was punished, she’d often leave out the physical abuse, which happened less often, & indicate instead that she was grounded all the time. What no one understood is that by “grounded”, she didn’t mean restricted from games or sent to her room or whatever normally constitutes such discipline. She was forced to sit in a chair without moving for days on end, no books or outside stimulus of any sort, missing school, & often without being fed & a few times not allowed to use the restroom — then being forced to stand for hours at a time when she eventually wet her pants, as further punishment. The interviews in our case seemed extremely perfunctory & did not delve any further than the surface, & only served to make her believe that *SHE* was the bad guy instead of her mom. And for the first several weeks she lived with us, she defended her mom & lied to us regarding the extent of her abuse — so an interview would not necessarily have uncovered much even if the advocates HAD bothered anything more than checking the box. It wasn’t until I actually hired a lawyer & went outside & around Children’s Services that the ball began to roll. That is the source from whence comes my anger. The laws in Ohio, & those who work within the Ohio system, make my point for me. In some states, calling the 800-whatever hotlines might be useful. Here in Ohio, they actually cause harm. But I am sorry that I made it seem such a blanket situation. Clearly it’s different elsewhere, & I should have referenced that. I fully encourage people to make the call if it is clear that the call will make a difference in a child’s life, and I so wish that was the case here!

  • http://www.solitarymama.com/ Christina Majaski

    I have a child abuse post also which focuses on the slacktivist angle– where people think donating a tweet or changing their profile pic somehow helps abused children. Of course, it would seem that anytime you see or know of a child being hurt, that you do anything within your means to help them, but that’s a form of common sense that we sometimes unrealistically just expect humans to have. The truth is, that for some reason, people have to be convinced to do the right thing. Crazy, right? Children can’t change their situations alone. If someone doesn’t provide them with food, they starve. If someone decides to hurt them every day of their lives, they will be hurt every day of their lives until an outside force has the sense to do something. And although I beg people to do more, to make sure their kids’ friends have lunch when school is out, to make sure you never see a kid in winter without a winter coat…to never hear of a child that is getting their ass kicked…I will always prefer that they at least do something, even if it seems small and meaningless. Something is always better than nothing. 

    • http://www.theworld4realz.com/ Andi-Roo

      You said: “Of course, it would seem that anytime you see or know of a child being hurt, that you do anything within your means to help them, but that’s a form of common sense that we sometimes unrealistically just expect humans to have.” <<- I actually read a post recently about a woman who witnessed a young man beating up an older guy on a train, & she was shocked that everyone just sat & watched. Not one person got up to stop the fight, or said anything at all. She finally walked over & asked dude to cut it out, & he actually listened, but her shock was less over the old guy getting his ass handed to him by a punk, than by the complacency of her fellow travelers. What is wrong with our society that whole groups of us would so easily allow these kinds of things to happen??? *grrr*

  • Pingback: Corporate Peons

  • Pingback: Goodbye Facebook Part 1The World 4 Realz